Lucille - Romance - The Date

Yes, we women do like to be "wooed" don't we. Before John and I got married it was easy, we could go out whenever we wanted and where we wanted, we were free! It was not very difficult for John to 'woo' me. Once we got married it was still pretty easy to go on a date. As time went by as a married couple, we had our first child and now another child on the way so the arrangements to actually go on a date turn into a totally different scenario that takes a little extra effort to get a babysitter, pump some milk if I am breast feeding etc...
It is so very important to go out as a married at least once a month and to make it an outing priority #1 in front of going out with friends or family even if it just for an hour walk or a two hour movie. At times when things get busy with work, it is amazing how just a walk for a half hour or more rejuvenated my relationship with John. With kids around, I think it is really easy not to make the effort to go out alone as a couple.
I think part of that comes from feeling very secure in your married relationship which is not a bad thing of course but I feel it can be a bad thing if the relationship is not being properly nurtured. Sometimes we may not realize the effects lack of nurturance can have on the relationship. Slowly, we pull away from each other, the affection dwindles, communication breaks down. We just don't have fun together. The relationship becomes stagnant, motionless and doesn't grow. I think that this is an area where a women is more sensitive in detecting the stagnancy of the relationship but of course not always.
For me (and I think a lot of women are the same), I need to feel close to my husband on all aspects of my being, the emotional, spiritual, and physical. The first two are what nurtures the physical. I need to have time to only focus on him without the distraction of our sweet child. I can compare this to having an hour each week in front of the Blessed Sacrament. I also need time alone with Jesus and feel close to Him and that is number 1 next to my husband.
I can still remember a priest from our parish telling us when we were engaged to always keep that spirit of courtship that we possessed as engaged couple alive and to carry it into our marriage. I understand his statement so much better now. When we were engaged I felt like we would always remember this feeling and love we had but I know now it takes a lot of work to keep it going further and deeper into the marriage.
Our date was great as always. We talked, laughed, and held each during a very good but intense movie. I am looking forward to our next date.

Lucille

Here is John's point of view.

John - Romance - The Date

As a husband, it is of particular importance to keep the romance in our marriage alive. I must admit that I have not always been able to do that. There is, in my experience, some startling differences between the male and female psyches, and, this is definitely one area!

Lucille sometimes needs to remind me that she needs to be romanced. She needs to feel that I still have a romantic love for her. She needs to have us spend exclusive time getting reconnected to each other. She needs to receive the gift of me and my time freely and out of love for her.

I, on the other hand, tend to place the romantic aspect of our relationship much further down on the list of priorities. So, indeed I need to be reminded of her needs.

This is especially true when we had our first child. We did not get any exclusive time together for a long time after Anne-Marie was born! When we both realized this and Anne-Marie was old enough, we made arrangements for someone we trust to sit with her.

We went out for dinner and had an awesome time. We made a rule that we would not talk about Anne-Marie and about parenting if we could help it. We managed somewhat to do that, but eventually we didn't get too far on that one at first! ;)

The beauty of that date time though, was being able to look into her eyes, to hold her hands across the dinner table, and to just be in her presence. We then made a commitment to try and get out on a date at least once a month. We haven't been able to make that happen as often as we had hoped, but when we do get out we have a really good time.

My dad is coming over to sit Anne-Marie this afternoon and this evening. So, we are off. I booked us into this amazing Thai restaurant for supper, and then I am going to take her for a Bubble Tea and a movie. She was very pleased when I let her know that I had made the reservations! Sometimes I won't tell her anything about the date at all as Lucille has this amazing curiosity bug that gets really cute when I drop a hint about a surprise but won't say anything more!

So, to you husbands, and soon to be husbands my advice is this: Pray to the Holy Spirit to attune your spirit to the romantic needs of your wife. Pray that the Holy Spirit truly trains you in the art of woo till you both sing together:

My love is a sachet of myrrh
lying between my breasts.
My love is a cluster of henna flowers
among the vines of En-Gedi.

-How beautiful you are, my beloved,
how beautiful you are!
Your eyes are doves.

-How beautiful you are, my love,
and how you delight me! (Song of Songs 1:13-16)

Indeed, God is good!

Pax vobis,

J.E.

Here is Lucille's point of view.