Into the wind...

Just before Christmas of 1990 the Lord gave me a vision.

It was of me as a tall sailing ship that had been through many battles. The Holy Spirit would gently fill the sails moving me in the direction of my final destination. The Sea in this particular spot, was the Precious Blood of our Lord that eased ever so carefully into the wounds in my hull. The movement of the ship was always deeper into my heart and soul. It was in those depths that He waited with great anticipation for me on an Island Paradise. As the vision was ending I could see the banquet being laid out for my arrival.

I personally have been a prairie boy most of my life. I am not a sailor. However, I had a strong sense of the patience one needed to have when waiting for the wind to come. Perhaps hours, days, maybe even weeks one would have to wait. I am sure that the sound that a wind would make in the riggings, sails, and masts would bring great joy to the sailors! They were on the move yet again.

The same can be said of my spiritual life. There were periods in my prayer life where it seemed like I was sitting still, or even moving backwards with the current. This would go on for days, weeks, months, and sometimes even years!

Those are the times where I find it very easy to turn away from my prayer life, and to some extent Jesus himself. Sometimes I would be angry with Him because I had not received any consolations. Sometimes I would be "punishing" Him by ignoring His calls to come and sit with Him. In the end I was really only hurting myself. When it finally sunk in that I had distanced myself from Him and not the other way around, I would go and celebrate the Sacrament of Reconciliation to make things right between us. Then I would go spend time with Him in the Most Blessed Sacrament.

Over time, I began to realize that it took a great deal of discipline to pray no matter what space I was in. I needed to be consistent and also gentle with myself and all of the distractions that came from within. It took a great deal of patience to sit still with Him!

So, when I would "hear" the rigging start to creak, and then sense the sails start to fill, I would be very diligent to steer myself into the wind. How sweet that sound of the wind filling the sails, and how wonderful it felt as it brushed across my face! Sweet consolation, your touch is joy, help me not to cling to you!

Pax Vobis,

J.E.