The Desert, Sin, and the "Great Mirage"

It does not take long for us to realize that we are hungry and thirsty after entering the desert. For some it is a few hours, for others it may be a few days.

The absence of the comforts we have grown accustomed to become noticeable. We are no longer receiving any consolation, we no longer experience any sense of peace, we can no longer find solace in the things we usually could.

Once in the desert for more than a few days, perhaps a week even, we become focused on the hunger and thirst, upon the pain of emptiness, and the seeming absence of God. It is impossible to listen, to hear what is happening around us due to our discomfort. The pain can be overwhelming in its intensity.

At some point we will need to make a decision: do we step away from the pain and discomfort and begin journeying deeper into the desert, or do we stay in our current place and then seek to go back to where we were comfortable?

Acceptance of where God has placed us, or rejection of that place? Realize that our pain and suffering is redemptive, or try and repress it, stuff it back down, and run away from it?

If we decide for acceptance and taking the next steps to journey deeper, then we must be prepared to face the coming challenges. If we decide to reject that place and God's call then we must accept the coming weight of responsibility for our action if not in this life then in the next.

When we have accepted the call to journey deeper into the desert, we may face a challenge that can be called the "Great Mirage".

We all have a tendency to place God into what can be termed a "box". That is, He must do, think, and act according to our vision, philosophy, theology, what have you of life. Whether we are conscious that this is our way of being/thinking/praying or not. Another way of putting it is, "my will be done because that is what God's will is".

The Mirage is the distortion of what life is truly about. We permit it to be established in our life by our refusing to open ourselves to the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit in honesty and integrity. It then becomes our "vision" of what we think life is, however we are the ones in full control.

When the reality of the desert and its challenge given to us by the Father broaches into our vision - into our Mirage, and the Father's challenge is contrary to that vision, we might try and pass it off, brush it off, explain it away, or use whatever excuse we can in order to not face that challenge.

Sin is an act of our will against the will of God. It is to turn away from what God wants and to do what we want.

When we embrace the Mirage and refuse to accept the challenge that comes to us deeper in the desert, we are turning our will against the will of God. The Mirage will lead us no where, with the distinct possibility of us dying in that same spot we stayed in for much our life after having embraced it.

The Mirage is closely tied to comfort. And, in the spiritual life, comfort is spiritual suicide.

A practical example of one who was placed into the desert, and faced his own Mirage challenges, was St. Thomas More. His good friend, King Henry VIII demanded that he essentially renounce his faith and swear his allegiance to the king and the Church of England. St. Thomas More's struggles to maintain his position based on his faith were great. His staying firm was met with his eventual imprisonment and then execution when he patently refused to sign Henry VIII's Oath of Supremecy.

He could have accepted to sign that Oath. He could have worked with King Henry and his machinations to bring about an heir for his throne. He could have embraced the Mirage. But he did not and thus offered the supreme sacrifice of his life for Jesus Christ and His Church.

The Mirage begs of us these questions: Are we willing to go the distance, no matter what the cost? Are we willing to venture deeper into the desert, stepping beyond the Mirage, and the many more that will appear, to accept the aridity given to us by the Father? Are we willing to allow ourselves to have our complacency challenged? Are we willing to allow for the possibility that our preconceived notions may be wrong?

Prayer: Loving Father, You have placed us in the desert of Lent to challenge us to discover the depths of Your Love that can be found there. Help us to discover how to move our will into synch with Yours. Help us to offer up our pain and suffering while in the desert to You. Help us to discover the true gifts that we can find in the desert. Father, instill in us a deep sense of gratitude for the many gifts You have given us.

Thank You Father for the desert beauty. Thank You Father for sending Your Angels to support us and sooth us. I love You!

Pax vobis,

J.E.

The Desert, Sin, and the PPP Temptations

Continuing our meditation on the Desert, today we will take a closer look at what happens while we are there willingly or not.

When the Holy Spirit has called us out into the desert and we have responded, or in His Wisdom has placed us in there, it is a time for brutal honesty.

This type of honesty is a necessity in the desert. Why, you may ask? Because, while in the desert there are some very specific rules that one needs to follow in order to not only survive the experience, but to grow as a result of the experience.

• The desert is a brutal place to be. It is stark, with only a very highly adapted way of life allowing one to survive there. Look to St. Anthony of the Desert, the founding Desert Father and the writings of the Desert Fathers and Mothers.
• The only way to survive while in the desert is to be completely dependent on God for all forms of sustenance. Look to Jesus.
• One must trust that God has a purpose for placing us in such a brutal environment. The Father truly loves us.
• If we try and hide from God and what He is trying to work in us, the only "place" we have to go is essentially to bury ourselves in the sand.
• The "oasis" of attachment to places, things, or people will not sustain us for very long.
• Satan will try very hard to take advantage of our wounds and weaknesses as well as distract us from the goal of the Holy Spirit.
• And finally, one must give the Holy Spirit one's will completely while in the desert.

The Scriptures tell us very specifically that Jesus was lead out into the desert by the Holy Spirit to be put to the test by the devil! (Matthew 4:1, Mark 1:12, Luke 4:1)

Three very specific temptations are described to us in detail:

1. Turn the stone to bread (Possessions)
2. The offer of the kingdoms of the earth (Prestige)
3. The request to jump from the Temple height and have the angels save Him (Power)

We are also given an insight into the fact that the devil will manipulate the Scriptures to say what he wants them to when in the third temptation he quotes Psalm 91:11-12:

... he has given his angels orders about you to guard you wherever you go. They will carry you in their arms in case you trip over a stone.

A key to learning to survive the desert experience is to not concern ourselves with the, "why am I experiencing this temptation or that temptation", or, "where or who is this temptation coming from", but to focus on how we are going to deal with the temptation and then follow through on doing it.

If we focus on the why or try and discover where the temptation is coming from we are then sufficiently distracted from praying our way into discovering how we are going to deal with it.

Jesus shows us this method clearly in how He deals with each of the three temptations in the Scriptures. He focuses in on the temptation itself, not where it is coming from nor why it may be there, but He constructively takes the temptation apart to examine the best method of dealing with it, and then He follows through on turning it away.

The Father knows what He is doing. He draws us into the desert through the inspirations of the Holy Spirit to deal with something that is in between Him and us. He wants us to realize what it is that is holding our relationship back, and then He gives us the tools and the Grace to let it go.

The Father has given us the gift of Jesus heading out into the desert before us. He has given us in His Son a textbook example of how we are to live our desert experiences and also face and deal with our own temptations.

We can see that Jesus was indeed tempted with the big three: Power, Prestige, and Possessions. Had He succumbed to any of those temptations, He would have placed something in between Him and His relationship with His Father. The same is true of us if we too succumb to them.

Prayer: Father, we thank You and praise You for the gift of the Desert. We thank You for the shining example of Your Son's experiences while there before us. Fill us with Your Holy Spirit Father, help us to remain steadfast in giving our will completely to You. Help us to let go of everything that is interfering in our relationship with You!

Thank You Father, thank You Jesus, thank You Holy Spirit for the gift of Lent and the call to enter into the desert with Jesus!

Pax vobis,

J.E.

The Desert, Sin, and the Tangible Loss of Grace

In the desert we are faced with ourselves and with our God.

If we are honest with ourselves and in our response to the Holy Spirit when He beckons us to enter the desert, we will experience what could be a rude awakening.

In the desert, where the Light of Christ pierces our souls as the desert sun, all those areas within us that are in shadow and darkness will begin to stand out.

For, as the desert sun grows higher in the sky, so too the shadows and darkness no longer will have a place to hide.

The shadows are those little areas where we remain selfish, from cutting someone off in traffic, to saying no to the beggar, or doing something for self at the expense of our families, friends, and others. These little selfish things, these shadows, can grow into great rooms of darkness.

Sin "hates the light". (p. 889 New Dictionary of Catholic Spirituality)

The Light, the desert sun, belongs to Jesus Christ, and how we react to His Light, the desert sun, is a very real indicator of where we stand in our relationship, or lack of one, with Him.

If immersed in our own selfish world with no regard for the inspirations of the Holy Spirit to open ourselves to the Light, to the sun, we are in grave danger. A very real method of cutting off the Light is throwing up interior walls, barriers, curtains to prevent the Light from penetrating our shadows. Or, we may try and hide ourselves behind some form of induced constant busyness, obsession with some thing or someone, or perhaps we are completely focused on doing as opposed to being.

What? You want me to let go of what? Why should I do that? I don't want to! I like where I am, I am comfortable, leave me alone!

And therein lies the crux of the Holy Spirit's call to put out into the desert. It is a call to stand with our God and face our wounds, weaknesses, failures, our sin.

There is a point, and it is different for each of us, where we completely sever our relationship with God. We allow ourselves to grow in our selfishness, our sin, to the point where we completely push God out of our lives. This can happen gradually as we start down the slippery slope of entertaining our temptations to the point of gratifying them, or it can be a situation or event where we act or refuse to act according to God's Will in a very serious matter.

This point where we have turned our back on God completely is called Mortal, or Serious, Sin. Mortal meaning death, or a complete severing of our Life Line of Grace.

There are three conditions that must be met for us to completely sever our relationship with God, that is enter into a state of Mortal Sin:

1. We must have a clear understanding that the act, or lack of action, is contrary to the Law of Love and the 10 Commandments.
2. We must give our will completely to that act or inaction without any reservation or coercion.
3. The act or inaction must be very grave in nature and consequences.

We need only look to the 10 Commandments for a baseline of the kinds of actions or inactions that can constitute Mortal Sin.

Along with this baseline of the 10 Commandments there is:

• the Holy Scriptures
• the writings of the Saints
• a constant prayer to the Holy Spirit, Our Lady, the Angels, and the Saints

They will also help us develop our sensitivity to the sin in our lives. We will begin to see the contrast between the Light of Jesus Christ as it begins to shine within us, and the shadows and darkness that is our sin.

The desert gives us an opportunity to embrace the realization that we have in some way, shape, or form either turned our eyes away from or turned our backs completely on Jesus.

For us Catholics, we are given the Sacrament of Reconciliation as the means to bring ourselves back into right relationship with God. If Reconciliation is not available, there is also, hopefully, the opportunity for one to truly repent of one's Mortal Sin before death. Ultimately, one's state of grace in life and before death, that is relationship with God, can only be determined between that person and God.

It is in the Sacrament of Reconciliation where the Precious Blood of Jesus pours out upon our wounds and sin to cleanse our wounds and remove the stain of sin.

There are times where the loss of grace can be tangible. This is especially true for those who convert from a life lived willingly in darkness and are now working with the Holy Spirit to allow the Light of Christ to reside within. The loss of grace eliminates our share in the Lord's divinity; it reduces us to something less than we truly are; it places our soul in peril of hell. It essentially turns out the Light!

And on the flip side of that tangible loss of grace, during the Sacrament of Reconciliation there are times where one can tangibly experience the Blood of Jesus pouring into the wounds caused by the sins committed earlier. One can experience one's person being buoyed up by the infusion of His grace!

It is truly the person of Jesus Christ within the priest with us there in the confessional, laying His hands upon our head to rain His Divine Mercy down upon us. When one leaves the confessional, one knows that one is in right relationship with Jesus the Lord! One does not need to have tangible experiences to know this.

The Church in Her Wisdom realizes our need to make our relationship right with the Lord. Thus, we are encouraged to celebrate the Sacrament of Reconciliation during the season of Lent.
We must allow the Holy Spirit to work within us during the Lenten Season. We must allow ourselves to be open to the Holy Spirit's drawing our attention to the areas within our lives where sin dominates. We must allow ourselves to be drawn into the desert to sit with ourselves and our God.

If we do not, our relationship with God runs the risk of death.

Prayer: Holy Spirit, inspire us to accept Your call to enter into the desert. Fill us with a spirit of honesty to deal rightly with those areas in our lives that You point out to us as needing work. Help us to work up the courage to bring our sin before Jesus in the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Help us to embrace our Cross.

Thank You Holy Spirit for the gifts of Your inspiration! Thank You Jesus for the gift of the Sacrament of Reconciliation!

Pax vobis,

J.E.

Blogging break and site update

Hello all,

We will be posting sparadically for the next little while as we are quite busy. I am in the process of redoing our own web site in XHTML 1.x Strict and CSS 2.1. It is a very laborious task as we have a lot of content to move over and I am still learning the codes for both XHTML and CSS.

The prototype site is here. Please feel free to offer us any comments and/or criticisms!

Please pray for us while we take this small break, pray for us to have new content to post when the Lord calls us to.

Please pray for me that I learn how to develop good coding skills and practises.

Pax vobis,

J.E.

When we get behind the wheel, what do we teach our children?

Right now in our jurisdiction, to be cautious, we must look both ways before starting into an intersection on a green light. It seems that people here have a penchant for running the red light well into it. The same is true for those turning left who are left hanging in the intersection because late amber light runners speed up instead of stopping.

Since I do a fair amount of driving around for business purposes, I see a lot of collisions due to individuals running reds and ambers, and have had a number of close calls if it had not been for me waiting to look both ways for the "all clear".

My dad was hit by one such fellow on Monday. Fortunately, it looks as though he is going to be okay, but his car is a write-off. The fellow had driven right through the red light long after it had changed. Please pray for them that they suffer no long term pain from their accident!

When we get behind the wheel, with our kids in the car or not, do we realize that our actions have consequences? Do we recognize the awesome responsibility that we have when we are in control of 4,000 pounds of hurtling steal, aluminium, and plastic? And, the more power that our 4,000 pounds of steal, aluminium, and plastic has, do we use it responsibly or do we use it to hurl ourselves around with disregard for others?

There are a number of times where we have broached the subject of being faithful to the "little things" in our lives. There is a link below to a blog search will bring those blog posts up.

Driving is one such activity where the "little things" are so very important. In my opinion, it is in the car, where we can live the illusion of being isolated - almost indestructible - from everyone else, that some of our deepest seated strengths and weaknesses/wounds can show through.

Here are some common driving situations that can demonstrate where our heart is truly at:

• When someone uses their turn signal to change lanes do we slow a bit to allow them in or do we speed up to squeeze them out?
• Do we use our turn signal indicator as a bully tactic to push our way into an opening by not giving the other driver a bit of time to make their own mind up?
• Do we hit the gas when the intersection control light turns amber/yellow?
• Do we run reds, especially on left turns?
• Do we speed through school zones (some jurisdictions have them, some don't)?
• Do we turn in front of an oncoming car to get in front of them despite the fact that there are no more cars behind them?
• Do we speed?
• Do we look at our police officers and bylaw enforcement officers as "the enemy"?
• Do we offer a negative play by play of traffic and our frustrations with other people's driving habits when family is with us in the vehicle?
• Do we let the sun go down on our anger and language while we are in the vehicle (Ephesians 4:26)?
• Have I taken the time to get to know the performance characteristics of my current vehicle on dry or wet pavement, gravel/dirt roads, snow covered or icy roads, in any type of inclement weather?
• Do I know the outer limits of my vehicle's performance in turns and on various grades?

These are just some of the questions we can ask ourselves about our driving habits. I can remember one of my spiritual directors telling me that my relationships with others around me are a good reflection of my relationship with God.

I believe that our driving habits are also a facet of that piece of wisdom. Our call as Christians, is to live the Gospel of Love, to offer ourselves as witnesses to that love, to the Father's Love made visible in Jesus Christ.

When we get behind the wheel of a vehicle, that call does not diminish, nor can it be set aside. We must weigh our actions, that is our thoughts, words, and deeds against the responsibility of that call to Love laid upon our shoulders by Jesus Christ in the Golden Rule that is given to us in all three Gospels: Matthew 22:34-39, Mark 12:28-31, and Luke 10:25-27:

You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind, and your neighbour as yourself. Luke 10:27

And:

We must do unto others as we would have them do unto us! Matthew 7:12.

For those of us with children, we must remember that our children are very observant. They can see, hear, and experience what happens to our demeanor, behaviour and spirit when we get behind the wheel. This goes for both how we drive and how we react to other's driving habits. There is a significantly long period of time for their experiences of us behind the wheel to take root before they are given the responsibility to drive! How can we expect our children to drive with due care, attention, and great responsibility if we have not done the same for them all those years?

And finally, as Christians we recognize that there is a spiritual dimension to everything, and I mean everything that happens in our life by our own doing or by others (Ephesians 6:12). This begs the question: what spirit or spirits do we cooperate with when we are driving?

Prayer: Father, bless us with Your peace and gentleness when we are driving. Help us to be stewards of Your grace on our roads. Instill in us Your spirit of forgiveness and kindness.

Thank You Father for the gift of the ability to move about freely with our vehicles. Help us to choose our vehicles responsibly, help us to be mindful of our impact on the environment, and help us to form our driving habits accordingly.

Here are some common vehicle weights (approximate) in pounds/kilograms by (class) :

• Ford Focus Sedan: 2,564/1,164 (Subcompact)
• Ford Focus Wagon: 2,707/1,228 (Subcompact)
• Ford Contour: 2,770/1,257 (Compact)
• Ford Taurus: 3,500/1,588 (Mid-Size)
• Ford Crown Victoria: 3,800/1,724 (Large)
• Chrysler 300C: ~3,921/1,778 (Hemi & AWD)
• Chrysler Caravan: 4,183/1,898 (Minivan)
• Jeep Liberty: 4,011/1,819 (SUV Compact)
• Chrysler Pacifica: 4,337/1,967 (SUV Midsize)
• Chevrolet Suburban: 5,219/2,368 (SUV Large)

2,000 pounds is 1 ton, so some of the larger sedans and most SUVs approach or pass the 2 ton weight mark! Makes the minivan class look like a misnomer eh? ;)

These are the base weights of the vehicles and do not reflect the actual weight of the vehicle when loaded:

• Gas: ~150-250 lbs depending on class
• People: 4 x 175 lbs is 700 lbs
• Luggage: 150 lbs+
• Towing capacity: 500 lbs to 10,000 lbs depending on class

We must be mindful of our vehicle's weight capacities and limits. There are some vehicles being sold today that exceed their allowable Gross Vehicle Weight with minimal people and luggage load and we are responsible to know that!

By the way, a recent study has shown that buying an SUV for our children's safety is a myth. One of the stats is especially important when driving an SUV: the higher centre of gravity leads to a significant increase in roll-overs. In a roll-over, children are THREE TIMES more likely to be injured or killed!

From the CBC online article SUVs no safer than cars for kids: U.S. study:

Vehicle crashes are the leading cause of death for U.S. children between 2 and 14, according to State Farm's website.

Wow! As a protective husband and father, this thought brings a whole new meaning to having the family in the car and my responsibilities to them and other people's families!

Pacis navigatio (Peaceful voyage),

J.E.

Blog search: Little Things

CBC online article "SUVs no safer than cars for kids: U.S. study"

An excellent article on merging: Highway Driving Etiquette

Behold, Beloved Priests, I am Your Brother

Behold, beloved priests, I am Your Brother,
I have appointed you as fathers and apostles of this world.
Be near to me and rest.
I desire to cast out your feelings of unrest.
I desire to cast out all your doubts.
Have no fear.
Be near to me, I am Your God.
Come to me all who are wounded and in despair.
Depend on me.
I have not abandoned you.
Remember Me in the child Jesus.
Contemplate Me in the child Jesus.
And hold Me still, so close to your heart.
Allow My Precious Blood to flow within you.
Do not be afraid.
I am always with you.
Let Me guide you.
I will not lead you astray.
Trust in Me.
Do not give up hope in Me.
Renew your strength through Me.
Abandon yourself to Me everyday, every hour, every minute.
I will help you if you let Me.
Hold fast, my dear priests.
Your mother in heaven is near to Me.
Cry out to your Heavenly Mother.
She can help you and will show you the way to Me.
She desires to hold you close to her heart.
She desires to dry all your tears with her tender love.
Your tears are never shed in vain.
Let your tears flow.
Mary, your mother will bring them to Me.
I will take away your pain.
Then wait …
…
Healing and joy will come your way.
Therefore, My beloved priests, reach out to Me.
My flock is tired, My flock is suffering….
I need you now more than ever in My flock.
You are the carriers of My Word.
I need you to spread My Word to the world.
I need you.
Please come to Me always.
Come to Me. I love you.
The Holy Spirit is upon you.
Do not abandon Me, Your Shepherd, Your God.

The Trouble with Boys ... or Should it be: The Crisis of the Absentee Father

One of the most reliable predictors of whether a boy will succeed or fail in high school rests on a single question: does he have a man in his life to look up to? Too often, the answer is no. High rates of divorce and single motherhood have created a generation of fatherless boys. In every kind of neighborhood, rich or poor, an increasing number of boys, now a startling 40 percent, are being raised without their biological dads.

Psychologists say that grandfathers and uncles can help, but emphasize that an adolescent boy without a father figure is like an explorer without a map. And that is especially true for poor boys and boys who are struggling in school. Older males, says Gurian, model self-restraint and solid work habits for younger ones. And whether they're breathing down their necks about grades or admonishing them to show up for school on time, "an older man reminds a boy in a million different ways that school is crucial to their mission in life." p. 4 The Trouble with Boys on Newsweek Online

I am a fatherless boy. My father abandoned my mother, my sister, and me when I was six years old. I grew up watching other sons with their fathers and having this huge pain in my heart. I too wanted a father. I wanted someone who would play ball with me, go fishing with, spend time teaching me how to tear things apart, fix things, and build things. I wanted to have a father who would teach me what it means to be a man. I had to learn to do these things on my own, up until just after my conversion.

Here are some observations based on my own experiences growing up without a father:

• When a boy grows up without a father in his life, he essentially does not get taught how to direct the boundless energies that flow in him. There is a tendency for his mother to have a doctor proscribe him to receive some sort of drug, like ritalin or talwin, to keep his energies in check. ADHD is a common diagnosis.
• When a boy grows up without a father in his life, he does not receive the necessary imprinting and guidance to grow into malehood, manhood, and masculinity that he already has within him.
• When a boy does not grow up with a father in his life, he is not taught how to use the tools he already has as a male to establish his just place within his peer group and the world.
• When a boy does not grow up with a father in his life, he does not learn how to protect a woman's virtue. Instead he can learn how to see her as an object.
• When a boy does not grow up with a father in his life, he is incapable of understanding and relating to God the Father.
• When a boy has no father growing up, he cannot understand the devotion and obedience of Jesus Christ to His Father.

There are so many aspects of the male psyche that cannot develop properly without a father's presence in the boy child's life. I am glad to see that there are studies happening now that will demonstrate what most of us already know, boys and girls are different, and boys absolutely require a strong male influence in their life!

The last two points in my list are vitally important to the Catholic Christian male. Without a loving father in a boy's life, it will be difficult for him to discover God the Father and just who God the Father is. God the Father clearly demonstrates to us what fatherhood truly means to the child.

When we look at the relationship between the Jesus and His Father we can discover the depths of parenthood and especially fatherhood.

God the Father encourages His Son, teaches Him, guides Him, disciplines Him, and grows Him into the adult man that was willing to accept the Father's will to offer His life up for all of us in Jesus' Passion and Death.

God the Father allows His Son to take risks, to grow in His ability to make decisions, and to grow in trust that the decisions that He is making are the right ones. So too it is with our fathers, they teach us how to take measured risks, evaluating the consequences of those risks, and trusting our instincts to make the right decision with regards to the risks and consequences.

For myself, it was in the basement of the main house at Madonna House during my first extended stay there - about a year after my conversion - that I met the man that I would eventually ask to adopt me. Yes, I was already in my twenties, but one thing that I knew in my heart that year after my conversion, was that I would not be able to understand and get to know God the Father if I did not have a good father figure in my own life. The fatherhood wounds were very deep and needed to be healed.

This man became a good friend, and after about five years of friendship, he accepted my request to adopt me. I was so very pleased with his yes, and believe me, after a life filled with so much rejection and abandonment, I was still half expecting to hear a no!

There are so very many blessings to Dad's presence in my life and to his faithfulness to the promises he made to me in the adoption letter. His uprightness of heart, clarity of vision when it came to my brokenness and patterns of dysfunction, his steadfast love and patience during the many years of my resisting his presence in my life due to my fear of abandonment and distrust of all males, his resolute firmness with me when I went through my self-destructive cycles, his constant and patient waiting when I would run away, and the list goes on and on.

God the Father has truly given the both of us, Dad and me, a great gift in understanding what His relationship with Jesus was like.

And, it is by virtue of Dad's presence in my life that I am able to be a good father to my own children.

Dad, I know that you read these posts, so thank you very much for the gift of your presence in my life, for your love and discipline, and for helping me to grow up.

Prayer: Thank You Jesus for bringing to us the love of the Father. Thank You for showing us His face in Yours! Thank You Jesus for drawing us men into a deep relationship with Your Father! Thank you for showing us how to be good sons.

Thank you God the Father for giving us your Son. Thank You for showing us what it means to be a good father. Teach us men to come to a deeper understanding of fatherhood, and help us to take responsibility for our families. Help us men, especially us fathers, to be the men we need to be for our children. Help us to bring our children up in relationship with You and Your Son. Help us to teach our children to open themselves completely to the indwelling of Your Holy Spirit.

St. Joseph, pray for us!

Pax vobis,

J.E.

The Trouble With Boys Newsweek article online.

Biology's Revenge article on the National Review Online.

The drug Talwin and its effects.

The drug Ritalin and its effects.

Update: Added the article title.

The Duty of the Moment

As Christians, we understand that any decision we need to make is between the will of the Father for us in a given moment, or what we want to do for ourselves. The servant of God, Catherine Doherty, the foundress of Madonna House put it this way:

The duty of the moment is what you should be doing at any given time, in whatever place God has put you. If you have a child, your duty of the moment may be to change a dirty diaper. So you do it. But you don't just change that diaper, you change it to the best of your ability, with great love for both God and the child. Do you do it that way? You can see Christ in that child.
Or your duty of the moment may be to scrub your floors. Do you scrub your floors well? With great love for God? If not, do so. If you see to it that your house is well-swept, your food is on the table, and there is peace during meals, then there is a slow order that is established, and the immense tranquility of God's order falls upon you and your family, all of you together. Duty of the Moment by The Servant of God, Catherine Doherty

The duty of the moment. As Catherine has pointed out, when we have made the decision to do what it is that we are called to, do we do it well and with love, or do we do it begrudgingly? Do we act out of love and charity when we are doing things that we may not want to be doing? Are we peaceful with our decision?

The duties Catherine has pointed out to us are the little things in life that tend to be done with haste or while our mind and/or heart may be preoccupied with other things or "greater" things. The little things tend to be lost in the shuffle of life. And yet, our duty of the moment is to focus completely on the little things that comprise our daily life experiences.

Well done, good and trustworthy servant; you have shown you are trustworthy in small things; I will trust you with greater; come and join in your master's happiness" Matthew 25:21

We can not do great things. We can only do little things with great love. Mother Theresa

When we do those little things in life with great love and devotion, putting our whole being into what we are doing we are essentially making our life an offering of love to those whom we are serving by doing them.

By responding in obedience and love to the duty of the moment we are, without realizing it, bringing great graces into the world. We are indeed being instruments of the Father and Jesus Christ in the world. But, most especially, the members of our family, our co-workers, or the stranger on the street are the recipients of the love of God!

When you do the duty of the moment, you do something for Christ. You make a home for him in the place where your family dwells. You feed him when you feed your family. You wash his clothes when you do their laundry. You help him in a hundred ways as a parent. Then, when the time comes and you appear before Christ to be judged, he will say to you, "I was hungry and you gave me to eat. I was thirsty and you gave me to drink. I was sick and you looked after me." (Mt 25:35-36) Get the picture? Duty of the Moment by The Servant of God, Catherine Doherty

Prayer: Lord Jesus, help us to not take for granted all of the little things that we need to do in our lives. Help us to do them with great love and kindness. Inspire in us the ability to discern the duty of the moment. Thank You Jesus for the gift of the life of Catherine Doherty and the gifts that she has brought to us in the Madonna House community and her writings.

Pax vobis,

J.E.

The Servant of God Catherine Doherty's Duty of the Moment article.

All Aspects of Our Life Can Be Indulgenced - Enchiridion of Indulgences

In conformity with the changed conditions of present times, greater value is placed on the action (opus operantis) of the faithful. For this reason, instead of being a lengthy series of indulgenced works of piety (opus operatum), more or less extraneous to the daily life of the faithful, the number of indulgences now granted is relatively small. By these it is hoped that the faithful will be more effectively moved to live holier and more useful lives, thus healing "the split between the faith which many profess and their daily lives ... by gathering their humane, domestic, professional, social and technical enterprises into one vital synthesis with religious values under whose supreme direction all things are harmonized unto God's glory. #4 Enchiridion of Indulgences (1968)

I do believe there is a deep wisdom in the Church's restructuring of the Enchiridion of Indulgences.

Essentially, Holy Mother the Church is letting us know through the above powerful affirmation that our lives - all aspects of them from the mundane and monotonous to the exciting elements - are indeed special in Her eyes and the eyes of our Lord.

She is calling us to take the beautiful things that we have learned in the various prayers, litanies, and devotions and apply their lessons to our lives.

She is calling us to deepen our relationship with Jesus Christ in His Church through Her Sacraments.

There are Three General Grants of Indulgences. These indulgences essentially cover our daily lives.

Presented in the first place are three grants of indulgences, intended to serve as a reminder to the faithful to infuse with the christian spirit the actions that go to make up their daily lives and to strive in the ordering of their lives toward the perfection of charity. #1 Three General Grants of Indulgences (p. 31 in the Enchiridion)

The First General Grant:

A partial indulgence is granted to the faithful who, in the performance of their duties and in bearing the trials of life, raise their mind with humble confidence to God, adding - even if only mentally - some pious invocation. p. 33 Enchiridion of Indulgences

A simple, "Lord have mercy" when things are going awry, or even simpler with the turn of the heart to the Lord, "help!" A, "thank you Jesus" when things are going well or some form of expression of gratitude for the gifts and/or suffering that day.

The Second General Grant:

A partial indulgence is granted to the faithful, who in a spirit of faith and mercy give of themselves or of their goods to serve their brothers in need. p.35 Enchiridion of Indulgences

We are all called to serve our brothers and sisters, the naked, hungry, in prison, essentially the corporal works of mercy.

II Vatican Council, Decree on the Apostolate of the Laity, n. 31c: Since the works of charity and mercy express the most striking testimony of the Christian life, apostolic formation should lead also to the performance of these works so that the faithful may learn from childhood on to have compassion for their bretheren and to be generous in helping those in need. p.37 Enchiridion of Indulgences

The Third General Grant:

A partial indulgence is granted to the faithful , who in a spirit of penance voluntarily deprive themselves of what is licit and pleasing to them. p.35 Enchiridion of Indulgences

This is an awesome way for us to participate in the Passion of our Lord by letting some indulgence go in some small way. A neat thing about our Lord is that no way is too little! Witness the praise our Lord gave to the widow who placed a couple of copper coins in the offering basket in Mark 12:42 and Luke 21:2.

Apost. Const. Repent, III c: The Church urges all the faithful to live up to the divine commandment of penance by afflicting their bodies by some acts of chastisement, over and above the discomforts and annoyances of everyday life. ... The Church wants to point out that there are three principal ways of satisfying the commandment to do penance, handed down from ancient times - prayer, fasting and works of charity - even though abstinence from meat and fasting have received special stress. These penitential methods could be found in all ages, but in our day there are special reasons why one method is encouraged more than the others because of local circumstances. Thus, in nations enjoying greater economic prosperity, encouragement should be given to offering some evidence of self-denial so that Christians will not conform to the world, and at the same time to offering some evidence of charity toward brothers, including those living far away, who are suffering from hunger and poverty. p. 40 Enchiridion of Indulgences

Some Plenary Indulgences:

To acquire a plenary indulgence it is necessary to perform the work to which the indulgence is attached and to fulfill the following three conditions: sacramental confession, eucharistic Communion, and prayer for the intention of the Sovereign Pontiff. It is further required that all attachment to sin, even venial sin, be absent. #26 Enchiridion of Indulgences

With these conditions met, Holy Mother Church gives us tasks that are designed to deepen our relationship with Jesus.

Deserving of special mention are the following works, for any one of which the faithful can gain a plenary indulgence each day of the year - saving, however, the provision of Norm 24:1, according to which no one can gain more than one plenary indulgence in the course of a single day:

• adoration of the Blessed Sacrament for at least one half an hour (n. 3);
• devout reading of the Sacred Scriptures for at least one half an hour (n. 50);
• the pious exercise of the Way of the Cross (n. 63);
• the recitation of the Marian Rosary in a church or public oratory or in a family group, a religious Community or pious Association (n. 48) p. 45 Enchiridion of Indulgences

The numbers behind each task refer to their place in a list of indulgenced works in the Enchiridion of Indulgences.

What a blessing for those families who strive to pray the Rosary together as often as possible!

Holy Mother Church has placed special emphasis on these four tasks as they draw us into a deeper relationship with Jesus. By deepening our relationship with Him, we can then bring Him out into the world and share Him with everyone that we meet, thus the rewards given in the General Indulgences!

Please remember to offer prayer and works for the Holy Souls in Purgatory! There are so many Poor Souls who do not have anyone that prays for them!

Pax vobis,

J.E.

You can find an article and a .PDF download on the Catholic Christian Doctrines including the Corporal and Spiritual Works of Mercy on our web site.

Bishop Dario Rezza, a Vatican canonist speaks about indulgences in an article on Zenit's Web site.

Word from Adoration - Jesus said, "Open yourself to me".

The Lord has given me a drop of consolation in amidst the spiritual desert that I have been in lately.

The word that Jesus gave me while adoring Him last week and this week again was, "John, open yourself to me".

While in adoration of the Blessed Sacrament, I see myself standing before Him with my arms outstretched. I then open myself to him by literally opening my chest so that my heart is completely exposed.

The next step is to make an act of my will to open my heart, mind, spirit, and soul to Him. In this act of the will, I willingly receive Him into all areas of my being, trying to hold absolutely nothing back. During adoration of the Blessed Sacrament there have been times when I do sense His presence within me, though lately this has not been the case.

During this latest desert experience, it is those areas within myself that do not belong to Jesus that have seemingly come to the surface. They stand out so clearly especially while I sit with Him in the Adoration chapel.

So, I have been taking stock of those things and preparing myself for the journey to let them go, to either begin or renew my efforts on the healing journey.

By Jesus calling to me to open myself to Him, I am filled with hope and encouragement to work hard on the process of healing. That is important, because it seems to me that the healing process never seems to end!

His words also stand as a stark contrast to my past experiences. You see, when most of us see something ugly, or experience negative behaviour from someone who is very wounded, we tend to armour up and reject that person. We tend to protect ourselves from them, to push them away.

Jesus on the other hand, decides willingly to reach out to us in our woundedness and make Himself available. Witness how He deals with the woman at the well in John 4:7 or the woman caught in adultery in John 8:1. He is loving, compassionate and kind. The focus is not the individual's sinfulness, but an invitation for that individual to let go of the sin and embrace Him.

Ultimately, with St. Faustina we need to cry, "Jesus, I trust in You!" And further cry out, "Jesus, I trust that you have my best interests at Heart. Jesus, I trust in Your healing and merciful touch."

Finally, a bit of thanksgiving, "Jesus, thank You for Your call to healing. Thank You for drawing me deeper into Your Heart of Love. Thank You Jesus for the gift of Your peace."

Pax vobis,

J.E.

Busyness, a Thank you, and New Blog Features

Apologies to our regular readers for not being able to write and post anything over the last week. We have been extremely busy with catch-up in our business and our lives after the Christmas holidays!

Thank you to all of you who have been visiting our blog. It is reassuring and encouraging for us to see you visit and sit a while with our posts.

We have added some search topics to our side-bar that you can click on to bring up previous posts on the given topic. The ones we have chosen are topics that we touch upon frequently. If you have any suggestions for other topics please do offer them.

Please feel free to give the search topics a try, they are to be found just under the Google Search feature on our side-bar. The search results will open in a new window, so please add our blog to your pop-up blocker allow lists if you like.

Again, thank you for visiting and be assured that we pray for all of our visitors.

Pax vobis,

John and Lucille Everett

Questions and Quotes for Meditation on Catholic Christian Fatherhood

I have been praying about fatherhood and meditating on some good sources for establishing just what Fatherhood is.

Here follows some of those sources:

Love for his wife as mother of their children and love for the children themselves are for the man the natural way of understanding and fulfilling his own fatherhood. Above all where social and cultural conditions so easily encourage a father to be less concerned with his family or at any rate less involved in the work of education, efforts must be made to restore socially the conviction that the place and task of the father in and for the family is of unique and irreplaceable importance.(72) As experience teaches, the absence of a father causes psychological and moral imbalance and notable difficulties in family relationships, as does, in contrary circumstances, the oppressive presence of a father, especially where there still prevails the phenomenon of "machismo," or a wrong superiority of male prerogatives which humiliates women and inhibits the development of healthy family relationships.

In revealing and in reliving on earth the very fatherhood of God,(73) a man is called upon to ensure the harmonious and united development of all the members of the family: he will perform this task by exercising generous responsibility for the life conceived under the heart of the mother, by a more solicitous commitment to education, a task he shares with his wife,(74) by work which is never a cause of division in the family but promotes its unity and stability, and by means of the witness he gives of an adult Christian life which effectively introduces the children into the living experience of Christ and the Church. Familiaris Consortio 25, Pope John Paul II*

When one becomes a Catholic Father, does one realize just Who it is that we must take for a role model? Do we realize how much the weight of responsibility is that is upon our shoulders to provide a stable home?

Fathers leave an indelible impression on their children because their role as a father is linked to another fatherhood. Although this other fatherhood is unseen, every human heart has a deep, incessant desire to be joined with it. God the Father has made each of us to have a family bond with himself. As a result, the human heart is constantly restless until it is united to the fatherhood of God. The Heart of Fatherhood, Steve Wood*

Those of us who grew up fatherless, do we realize what it is that we are yearning for within the depths of our heart and soul? For those of us who have grown up fatherless, have we made efforts to allow God the Father to introduce Himself to us? Have we allowed Him to begin the healing process so that we can allow His adoption of us through His Son to take hold? Are we willing to allow Him in?

[My father] and my mother managed to raise four children through the mire of the 1960s and 1970s, without quite understanding the social upheaval we were living through, as nobody at the time did. All four of us now attend Mass on Sunday, though for each of us I think the road back to devotion has involved a few detours into a wasteland here or a slum there. Without taking anything away from my mother—who was a softening and straightening influence upon him—I can confidently say that we are where we are now in large part because of my father. St. Augustine once addressed the fathers of his congregation as his fellow bishops—the overseers and shepherds of their own small domestic churches. My father had no conscious idea of it, but a shepherd he was; and if the Lord had seen fit to lay the cross of the priesthood on his back, he would have carried it like a man and inspired his flock to follow in his path. A Priesthood of Fathers, Anthony Esolen*

Are we gentle with our "flock"? Are we judicious with our "flock"? Do we protect our domestic church from the corporeal and spiritual wolves that pray upon us? Do we utilize the unique graces provided to us by God the Father in our Sacrament of Marriage to protect and guide our domestic church to heaven? Do we take the time to develop our understanding of just what it is that we need to learn, do, and be to guide our domestic church to heaven?

But we need fathers. Man is made to obey; and the Father in His mercy has provided for us fathers whom we can see and hear and touch. They are sinners, no doubt; but so are we, and the alternative to obeying a father—in one manifestation or another—is obeying the merciless hater of fatherhood below. There is no third choice. Patriarchy—much despised now as naturally abusive or obsolete—is the Scriptural rule for order and peace on earth as it is in heaven. It does not mean bullying. Far from it: Among us human beings it is a compact that benefits all. The man agrees to allay his natural unruliness and curb his taste for danger, his yearning for a wild freedom, and instead concentrate those energies upon what will benefit his wife and children; for them he will spend his substance and, if need be, his life; his will be the responsibility if they fail. Because he loves his family—his small platoon, his domestic church—he will lead them, will naturally assume his role as their head, if God gives him the grace to measure up to so high a calling. In return, his family grants to him
the authority of a father. A Priesthood of Fathers, Anthony Esolen

Do we make sure that we redirect all of our adventure and danger seeking energies into providing for our family and their spiritual welfare? Obedience. Are we obedient to God the Father? Do we expect an unjust form of obedience from our wife and children that we ourselves would not obey? Do we, "Do as I say, not as I do?" Are we willing to be humbled, to learn to act in humility with our wife and children?

The hour of the Cross is the hour of the Father; for it is the hour that he alone knows. The Son, who could know it, forgoes that knowledge. One of the reasons the Father has reserved this knowledge for himself surely lies in the fact that the Son's obedience is to undergo the most severe testing possible. That is why he forgoes any form of obedience in which he would always know in advance what is to come and could prepare himself for that. Also, precisely the chosen sort of obedience allows the whole of the Son's freedom to assert itself at every moment of his life. The Countenance of the Father, Pg. 71 Adrienne von Speyr

Do we spend time with our children? Do we allow our children to be who they are? Do we celebrate their uniqueness and allow them to discover the gifts that they have been blessed with? Do we facilitate those gifts by providing the resources needed for them to grow? Do we guide our children and give them the freedom and trust that they need to grow in confidence and discernment? Do we value the insight and life lessons that our children have to offer us?

The one person we can turn to for guidance in our discovering what it is to be a good Catholic Father is Saint Joseph. The witness to his fatherhood is given through the person of Jesus Christ.

Saint Joseph, teach us to be good fathers. Help us to discover and know what it means to be a father. Help us to discover the God given authority that we have in our fatherhood. Be with us and guide us as we learn what it means to bring our wife and children into a deep relationship with God the Father. Teach us to be humble, help us to learn to ask for forgiveness when we have hurt someone, help us to be a good example of love, discipline, and forgiveness when our children have done wrong.

Thank you Saint Joseph for saying yes to the call of God the Father. Thank you for giving us such a beautiful and powerful witness to fatherhood!

Pax vobis,

J.E.

Familiaris Consortio, Pope John Paul II
The Heart of Fatherhood, Steve Wood
A Priesthood of Fathers, Anthony Esolen

Our Wedding Anniversary, Modesty, and Fidelity

December 28, 2005 is the Feast of the Holy Innocents. It is also the day we were married in 2002.

After three years of marriage, Lucille and I were reflecting on the timelessness of it. Somehow, the last three years have past as though they were one moment in time. That, I believe, is a special grace in itself and a reflection of the time, energy, and work we have put into our marriage.

We have been blessed with a great first child in Anne-Marie, and are eagerly anticipating the arrival of Pitou, our second child now in the womb, in April. Great gifts are our children and very rewarding to have in our lives. Anne-Marie has taught us so much about life and ourselves. It has been a great education.

Just before our anniversary day, Lucille and I were discussing her article* on modesty. I must admit that modesty is something that is very much undervalued in our society today. It is practically impossible to go anywhere by car, transit, foot, or any other method without someone around having exposed flesh or some form of media environment and/or medium pushing something or other via flesh or sex.

Modesty protects the mystery of persons and their love. It encourages patience and moderation in loving relationships; it requires that the conditions for the definitive giving and commitment of man and woman to one another be fulfilled. Modesty is decency. It inspires one's choice of clothing. It keeps silence or reserve where there is evident risk of unhealthy curiosity. It is discreet. CCC 2522

Before marriage, I still found this tendency to expose flesh disappointing and disheartening. I tended to sense in my heart that something was amiss in the woman who dressed, or un-dressed if you will, in this manner. (For the purpose of this article, un-dressed is defined as one who is scantilly clad or dressed in very tight or revealing clothing).

To me, a woman's eyes are her most important feature. It is there, in her eyes, that I would discover whether she would be a worthy friend, someone who would hurt me, or someone who didn't even acknowledge my existence.

The first time I saw Lucille, something about her caught my eye. She was dressed modestly, and yet, I was attracted. Once the opportunity presented itself to look into her eyes, I knew in my heart that I had finally met someone who I could become good friends with. That much was very apparent as she has very peaceful and gentle eyes.

After Lucille and I married, I came to realize concretely why I have a real hard time with un-dressed women. My wife is a very beautiful woman, and she has a unique and awesome way that she carries herself. Back in the day we called it, "poise". She carries her personal worth, dignity, and integrity in her poise. Through marriage, she has gifted herself to me.

So why, since the mutual love and gift of self that Lucille and I share is so intimate and beautiful, would I even begin to want to see anyone else's flesh or physical items? Does this un-dressed woman not realize that she is sharing an intimate part of herself that only her (future) husband, or in the case of one consecrated to virginity and/or a religious community Jesus Christ, should see, touch, and experience?

What kind of male, as James B. Stenson* mentions, does the un-dressed woman want? A predator or a protector? A predator will focus on her, because to him she may be advertising sex. Without realizing it, to the predator she is also presenting her vulnerabilities. The protector will want to shield her to some degree, but in my experience, she will push him away for the predator.

As Lucille mentioned in her article, a woman who contracepts needs another form of attraction mechanism since, without realizing it, her phermones no longer flow due to constant infertility. Thus we have in many cases, the un-dressed woman compensating for her lack of phermones.

But I say this to you, if a man looks at a woman lustfully, he has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Matthew 5:28

Whether married or not, what a man does when he sees the un-dressed woman is directly connected to whether he, while a teenager or young adult, chose to become a predator or protector. If predator, he will be thinking along the lines of what he can get out of and from the woman. If protector, if at all possible he will be averting his eyes and, if the situation permits, somehow making a connection through the eyes with the woman, the real person.

The acts in marriage by which the intimate and chaste union of the spouses takes place are noble and honourable; the truly human performance of these acts fosters the self-giving they signify and enriches the spouses in joy and gratitude. CCC 2362

A man and woman, in Sacramental marriage give themselves as a complete gift to the other. The gift of self encompasses the whole person, the spiritual, mental/emotional, and physical self. Here are some observations and questions on un-dressing and fidelity:

1. A woman who is married and who un-dresses when she goes out is essentially sharing a part of her gift with other men than her husband.
2. Does she see herself as a gift, or as an object for her husband, and perhaps other men?
3. Does she allow her own eyes to get caught up in a male other than her husband?
4. Does her husband see her as a gift to be received, and the gift of himself to be offered back and received by her mutually? Or, does he see her as a way to sexual gratification, or some other selfish need? This question can be asked in the reverse form for her.
5. A man who is married and allows his eyes to be caught up in an un-dressed woman other than his wife is expressing a desire to share his self gift with another woman.

As has already been mentioned, a husband essentially belongs to his wife and she belongs to him. If one of the spouses in any way has given themselves over to desiring after another, or allowing another to desire them, then some part of their gift no longer belongs to their spouse! It now belongs to that other! Remember, the gift is spiritual, mental/emotional, and physical. No one part of who we are is exclusive of the other.

Fidelity expresses constancy in keeping one's given word. God is faithful. The Sacrament of Matrimony enables man and woman to enter into Christ's fidelity for his Church. Through conjugal chastity, they bear witness to this mystery before the world. CCC 2365

Fidelity to one's spouse by guarding one's gift for them is important to maintaining a strong marriage! It is important to note that this fidelity can be eroded in very tiny steps ... just an overt glance here or there, taking the time to turn one's head to catch another glimpse, or flirting with another, etc. Essentially one makes a conscious decision to share one's gift with someone other than their spouse in some way, shape, or form. The temptations and the decisions start very small and work their way up to terrible consequences in a hurry!

Prayer: Lord Jesus, help us to be faithful to our spouse or future spouse. Help us to discover our true dignity and self worth that we find in You alone. Help us to live chastely in our marriages. Teach us to discover the true meaning of the giving of ourselves to the other as You do Sacramentally in the Eucharist, and did in Your Passion, Death, and Resurrection. Help us to keep the focus of our entire self on You and our spouse.

Thank You Jesus for the self giving love that we can offer in the gift of ourself to our spouse in marriage. Thank You Jesus for the total gift of love that we receive from our spouse in marriage. Thank you for the gift and fruit of our married love that we discover in our children.

Fidelity to one's future spouse, whether Jesus or a person in the future, also starts from a very young age. It involves something that can be very difficult for a young person to grasp: looking at the big picture or having a long sighted view on life. And yet, if the young one has made a birthday gift for their parent or friend, and they open it before that day, how would the gift giver feel?

The parents, father and mother, are instrumental in teaching the child to have the long sighted view on life and love.

With the understanding of self as being sacred and a gift; being formed with the humility needed to have a deep prayerful relationship with Jesus Christ in the Eucharist, Church, and others; the witness of a father who chastely loves his wife and a mother who chastely loves her husband the child will have the tools needed to grow up understanding the foundations they need to dress modestly and protect their virtue. These tools will also give girls the ability to see whether a boy is a predator or protector, and the boys the ability to realize that they must make a choice as to whether they will be a predator or protector.

As parents, we turn to Our Lady and St. Joseph for the ultimate witness in bringing up our children in relationship with God the Father.

Prayer: Mary, our Mother, teach us as parents to bring up our children with a deep relationship with God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

St. Joseph, teach us to live chastely, teach us to have a pure heart that is focused on our spouse, or future spouse alone.

Thank you Mary and Joseph for giving us such a beautiful example of love and fidelity in marriage. Thank you both for sharing with all of humanity the gift of your love for Jesus Christ!

Pax vobis,

J.E.

Lucille's article on Modesty.

James Stenson's Web Site.

Update: A work in progress. Some changes to the grammar and the addition of a couple of CCC quotes. Pax.

Women, Men, and Modesty

When I was in college in early 1990, I didn't see too many women in public dressing provocatively, for example by bearing part of their breasts. But these days, it seems the trend to show a little more than cleavage is growing and almost seems to be the norm. I must say that if I was single, it probably wouldn't bother me as much but being that I am married, it does bother me. I have heard a variety of perspectives on the root of this behavior. I have listed them as follows:

1. poor self image/low self esteem
2. the person wants sex
3. the person wants to simply attract the male of the species but may not realize or know better how their manner of dress affects the male. He may look upon the women in an objective manner. The original intent of the person dressing immodestly may not have been to attract the man in such a way.
4. the person is lacking attention

In the book called "The Decline of Males" the author Lionel Tiger (1999) discusses the contraceptive effects of the birth control pill. He further states that the pill inhibits the natural scent of women (that is their pheromones) because they no longer go through a monthly fertile phase. Therefore, without realizing it, the woman needs another method to attract the male so she tends to dress provocatively to garner attention from the male.

These are just a few perspectives that come to mind. Looking back, I haven't really been one to dress too provocatively. My reason would have related more to the above third point. While growing up, not knowing better I occasionally would wear the tight pants and short skirts. I could never really muster the ability to deliberately show my chest to the rest of the world.

The older I became the more I realized that dressing in a provocative manner would not attract the right kind of men. It would attract men who looked at me not for me but for my body. They only wanted one thing, and that was sex. The more I grew, the more I realized and tried to respect those wondering eyes by not wearing tight clothing. If I did, I would have an inner desire to cover my bottom with a longer shirt if the pants were on the tight side, or wear a cardigan over my top if it was a little too tight. The more fashion changed, the more it was difficult for me to find a top or pants that weren't so tight as to show my form per se and that bothered me. And yet, the more I wore the tighter clothing, the more the self consciousness of my clothing being too tight faded away. Basically, I became desensitized partly because that is all what the women around me wore too.

I remember a speaker named James Stenson who spoke at a family conference who said that by dressing modestly you are forcing the man to look into your eyes and not at one's breasts or some other part of one's body. It wasn't until I got married that I began to understand more about the male perspective on women who dress provocatively. My husband helped me understand in a deeper sense what males truly can think or do when they see a women dressed immodestly. Unless a man has trained himself not to look at a woman with a lustful eye, that is with an eye of innocence or purity, he should look away.

You have heard that it was said, "You shall not commit adultery." But I say to you that every one who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart (Mt 5:27-28).

I believe our bodies are sacred, temples of the Holy Spirit therefore must be guarded and covered modestly in a respectful way.

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been purchased at a price. Therefore glorify God in your body(1 Cor 6:19-20).

By covering ourselves modestly we are reserving and keeping our sensuality as a gift for our future husband. The Catechism of the Catholic Church (1992) stated that:

Purity requires modesty, an integral part of temperance. Modesty protects the intimate centre of the person. It means refusing to unveil what should remain hidden. It is ordered to chastity to whose sensitivity it bears witness. It guides how one looks at others and behaves toward them in conformity with the dignity of persons and their solidarity (2521).

As a married women, I wish more women around me would choose to dress more modestly because if not, it has the potential to turn my husband's head. I know that if his head does get turned he knows how to guard his eyes because he knows and I know he only has eyes for me but it took a long time for this to sink into my being. We women can be very protective and perhaps jealous of where our husband or fiance/boyfriend looks unless they keep reassuring us that they don't look at these women in a lustful way or they purposefully divert their eyes. As a woman, we must learn to trust the latter to be true. We must also learn to respect not only our bodies by dressing modestly but respecting those around us who may be tempted into sin.

Teaching modesty to children and adolescents means awakening in them respect for the human person (Catechism of the Catholic Church, 2524).

(For the sake of simplicity I made reference more towards women and modesty but it also relates to modesty in men)

A recommended read and the book by Lionel Tiger. Thank you for supporting us!

Dignity, Integrity, and Boundaries discovered in Jesus Christ

For many of us who have been a victim of abuse, being the victim is all we know. We survive. Some of us even go so far as to put ourselves into situations where the abuse will happen again. This perpetual cycle of entering into abusive relationships primarily to reaffirm what we already "know" as a victim.

Upon discovering the reality of Jesus Christ, and the abuse He suffered willingly at every human being's hand through sin, one needs to find somehow the strength and perspective to begin breaking the cycles or leaving the abusive situations or environment.

The key to this is discovering that Jesus is a willing victim:

...Jesus left with his disciples and crossed the Kidron valley where there was a garden into which he went with his disciples. Judas the traitor knew the place also, since Jesus had often met his disciples there, so Judas brought the cohort to this place together with guards sent by the chief priests and the Pharisees, all with lanterns and torches and weapons. Knowing everything that was to happen to him, Jesus came forward and said, 'Who are you looking for?' They answered, 'Jesus the Nazarene.' He said, 'I am he.' Now Judas the traitor was standing among them. When Jesus said to them, 'I am he,' they moved back and fell on the ground. He asked them a second time, 'Who are you looking for?' They said, 'Jesus the Nazarene.' Jesus replied, 'I have told you that I am he.' John 18:1-8

"They moved back and fell on the ground." It is made very apparent to those about to take Jesus away that they were not in control. Jesus, especially by challenging them a second time, makes sure to let them know that He is going of His own will. They would not have been able to take Him away if He did not want to go.

For those of us who have lived in an abusive environment, we know where that challenge would initially lead: A flurry of violence to oppress and extinguish any more challenges. Never mind trying to challenge yet a second time!

Jesus here gives us the ability to discover that we have a right to our boundaries. That as human beings we have dignity and integrity. It is by virtue of the Incarnation that we truly come to realize those gifts. We have a right not to be violated by anyone for any reason.

Boundaries: A boundary is the line over which someone has to cross into our personal physical, mental/emotional, and spiritual space.

One generally sees about a metre or yard around one as the physical space belonging to them. We have all had the experience of having someone standing very close to us while talking to us and the discomfort this can bring about. We have the right to ask that person infringing into our space to step back. Especially if we have gently moved back to regain our personal space and they keep moving back into it.

Words and actions can be used to attempt to manipulate or abuse the other emotionally and mentally. A put down, whether as a joke or intentionally, is a classic example of this type abuse that can be commonly accepted as okay to do. Generally the one doing the put down is building themselves up at the expense of another.

For some abuse victims, the words and actions are designed specifically by the abuser to keep them in their "place". It is the emotions that are the last to heal. It is these cycles of mental/emotional abuse that are the hardest to let go of and allow Jesus to heal.

Spiritually, one who is abused is attacked by the spirits attached to the abuser. Given the nature of the ongoing battering of the abuse victim's will, these spirits eventually work their way in via the words and actions of the abuser. They entrench themselves into the heart, mind, and spirit of the victim. It is only in Jesus Christ and through the Sacraments that one can discover these spirits and their hold on the one who is trying to leave or has left the abusive environment.

Dignity: At Christmas time we celebrate the birth of Jesus. He, God, has become a human being. Read that again: Jesus Christ, God, has become a human being.

When one embraces Jesus Christ and the true freedom and healing that He has to offer, one can participate in the divine. One can realize that one is an adopted son or daughter of God the Father by virtue of Jesus becoming human. One can realize that one is heir to an eternal inheritance. One can step beyond the seeming limitations of one's humanity and embrace the divine.

One can discover that one is not another's play thing, punching bag, sex toy, or anything that takes away one's personal dignity. One discovers in Jesus that one is valued for who they are in Him. Jesus values us, places us in such high esteem, that He made sure to show us that He loves us by embracing our suffering, by accepting willingly and gently the abuse he received during His Passion and death, with such an open heart, mind, and spirit.

Jesus Christ is the true source of human dignity.

Integrity: In Jesus we can discover wholeness, completeness. Those of us that have lived in abusive environments can begin to break away from the external and internal elements that are the result of being abused, especially if that abuse spans many years or decades.

Upon discovering our boundaries and how they can be crossed whether we have allowed them to be crossed or someone has crossed them against our will, and realizing our personal dignity found in Jesus we can establish our personal integrity.

One can begin to realize how to make one's own decisions as to when the boundaries are to be crossed. One can also learn how to gently stop anyone who tries to cross those boundaries without permission.

If someone attempts to cross our boundaries without our permission, by virtue of our dignity found in Jesus, we have the right to defend ourselves. We have the right to say no. Just as Jesus did at that moment when Judas appeared with the guards to take Him away.

"They moved back and fell on the ground."

Jesus Christ is the only foundation upon which one can build one's integrity.

It is in Jesus Christ that one can discover the true meaning of being human. It is in the innocent little Child at Christmas that we discover this: Incarnation. It is in that Man standing in the Garden that we discover the true meaning of our suffering and being a victim.

Lord Jesus, help us to discover the true meaning of humanity. Help us to discover in You the value of who we are. Jesus, deliver those who live under constant oppression and abuse. Heal the abuser, heal the abused.

Thank You Jesus for the gift of life. Thank You Jesus for becoming human and redeeming us. Thank You Jesus for bringing us back to the Father. Thank You Jesus for opening the door to heaven!

Jesus, I love You!

Pax vobis,

J.E.

Discernment of Spirits Our Lady's Way

In the Gospel reading for the Mass celebration this last Sunday, which was the Fourth Sunday of Advent, Our Lady is presented with a proposition by the Archangel Gabriel (Luke 1:26-38). In the dialogue that ensues between Mary and Gabriel we are given an ideal method for the discernment of spirits.

From Saint John:

My dear friends, not every spirit is to be trusted, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets are at large in the world. This is the proof of the spirit of God: any spirit which acknowledges Jesus Christ, come in human nature, is from God, and every spirit which does not acknowledge Jesus is not from God... 1 John 4:1-3

When the angel Gabriel comes before Mary and starts his announcement, she isn't jumping for joy, or all excited about having some sort of spiritual "experience". She is, "deeply disturbed by [his] words and asked herself what [his] greeting could mean" (Luke 1:29). And here we have presented the first concrete step in the discernment process:

Step One: Challenge the angel and/or experience. When presented with some form of spiritual experience, whether it be the visiting of an angel, a prophetic word, a vision, or any kind of mystical experience, one should challenge it.

There is always a danger to our very salvation, and the salvation of those around us, if we embrace mystical experiences enthusiastically. There is also the danger that we may grow comfortable in those experiences, allowing them to become the focus of our faith experience, and use them as some form of gauge of holiness. Holiness is ultimately found in a deep, Sacramental, relationship with Jesus Christ and not His gifts.

As Saint Paul tells us:

The Spirit has explicitly said that during the last times some will desert the faith and pay attention to deceitful spirits and doctrines that come from devils, seduced by the hypocrisy of liars whose consciences are branded as though with a red-hot iron..." 1 Timothy 4:1-2

Step Two: Listen carefully to the angel and/or experience. As St. John told us, the spirit or spirits who are participating in the experience will either lead us to Jesus Christ or they will either blatantly or subtly lead us away from Him.

Saint Gabriel makes his point by drawing Our Lady's attention to God, and to whom she is being called to bare in her womb. He clearly makes every effort to maintain his focus on God's work, and how that work will become a part of Mary's life.

It is in the very details of the experience that we will discover whether it is from God or to be discarded.

Step Three: Question everything and anything at all. We should not let our hunger for consolation and the mystical experiences to overcome our ability to carefully question every aspect of the mystical experience.

Once the Archangel Gabriel has indicated to Mary what is to happen, she challenges him with a question, "But how can this come about, since I have no knowledge of man?" Luke 1:34.

The questions we ask will need to be blunt. Her question directly challenges everything Gabriel has presented to her, since she has made an offering of love to God in a vow of virginity. It is now up to Gabriel to bring her closer to God by explaining how she would not be breaking her vow. Or, reveal that he is indeed not from God, but appearing as an angel of light as Satan can do (2 Corinthians 11:13-15).

The questions must challenge the authenticity of the experience. We are called to:

Beware of false prophets who come to you disguised as sheep but underneath are ravenous wolves. You will be able to tell them by their fruits ... a sound tree produces good fruit but a rotten tree bad fruit. A sound tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor a rotten tree bear good fruit. Matthew 7:15-18

Our questions must always be honest. Even if that means discovering that what we have just experienced was not from God but from ourselves or the devil.

If we discover that what we have experienced was indeed from ourselves or the devil then we must discard it. If however, we see that it does indeed draw us closer to God, then we can move on to the next step.

Step Four: Share the experience with a few close friends who are gifted in discernment (1 Corinthians 12:10). The best person to share the experience with is a spiritual director. One to whom we have submitted to in obedience. If he or she helps us to see that what we have experienced is not of God, then we must be obedient and let it go. This is one aspect of the Lord's wisdom in sending out the disciples in pairs (Mark 6:7, Luke 10:1). Each member in the pair would be able to be a check and balance for the other.

This step is important because if we go into the community and share the experience with them, we risk the danger of becoming the centre of attention. And we all know where that leads. We also all know that most of us in some way shape or form enjoy being the centre of attention!

When Our Lady went to Saint Elizabeth's home, Saint Elizabeth immediately knew that Our Lady was carrying Jesus! (Luke 1:42). This is a very powerful witness to the gift of discernment in Saint Elizabeth. Her relationship with God must have been very deep and very intimate. Elizabeth indeed was attuned to God's Spirit.

Where we go from there is something we would need to discern further. Is the experience a gift from God to us alone? Or, does it need to be shared with a few key people, or even the general community? It is important for us to realize where the Lord wants us to take the experience.

Mary, help us to learn how to discern. Help us to listen to God's Holy Spirit and to His angels and saints. Teach us how to ask the right questions. Help us to be honest with ourselves and with our spiritual directors. Thank you Mary for your gift of discernment. Thank you for accepting the call of God through Saint Gabriel. Thank you for bearing and sharing Jesus Christ with us!

Pax vobis,

J.E.

Aridity again is the norm.

Aridity again is the norm. The Lord has seemingly pulled away.

It was in the desert that Jesus was tested in Matthew 4:1-11. 40 days without food or water, without the comforts of home and His family.

A time where He was seemingly alone. It would have been a glimpse into the darkness, rejection, and abandonment that He experienced on the Cross, "My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?" (Matthew 27:46).

It would have been a time where He would have to struggle with the aches and pains of His body and the hunger, thirst, heat, burning air, and freezing nights.

The desert is a time where we stand utterly alone and naked before ourselves and God the Father. It is the Dark Night of St. John of the Cross. It is a time for the Father to cleanse us and draw us nearer to His heart.

And, it is a challenge to remain focused in eye, mind, and spirit on Jesus Christ and His Cross. For, it is now, in the desert, where one really discovers one's weaknesses and the reality of the Cross that we carry.

Pax vobis,

J.E.

Update: Word from Adoration.

Michael W. Smith Christmas Concert Experience

Wow! I'll say it again, wow!

What an amazing concert. Michael is such a talented musician and writer. He had two concerts here. We decided to get tickets to the second concert as we could get better seats.

He had the local symphony orchestra playing with him as well. The orchestra had a few "solo" pieces to play at the beginning of the concert with Michael coming out with his band a bit later.

He played a lot of his Christmas music from both of his Christmas albums. I loved his sharing his experience of a heavy snowfall in Tennessee and the resulting song that he wrote, "First Snowfall". He then proceeded to play it. What an amazing piece of music. I could close my eyes and see the snow dancing and falling!

I am a long time fan of Petula Clark. I love her voice and the songs that she picked to sing. Michael sang a Christmas song that she had sung in 1969 called, "The Happiest Christmas". He played and sang the song so beautifully. He did indeed do justice to the original!

In the second set, he managed to play a couple of his popular non-Christmas songs. The one that struck me was the song, "Healing Rain". Wow. What a beautiful song. It speaks to me so clearly within my own experience of God's healing touch.

He also got us all to sing a number of Christmas carols together. The Glory of the Lord shone so clearly with all of our voices raised to praise the Lord's coming!

I must admit that I spent most of the first half of the concert, there was a 20 minute intermission, weeping for the sheer beauty that I heard and experienced in the music. Michael managed to convey the power and presence of God through his music. And, a lot of the music did not have any lyrics! The music moved the soul into a deeper communion with God. It opened us up to His working in us. Many times through the second set I was moved yet again. This concert was a powerful and deep experience to ponder and pray about.

Indeed, I would go and see him again!

Michael W. Smith's Web site.

An interview with Michael W. Smith.

Petula Clark's Web site.

Pax vobis,

J.E.

Emily's Hope - Book Review

I just finished a book called Emily's Hope.

What a neat book!

The story is about Emily, a character whose life we follow from a young age. We see some of the typical teenage needs and struggles that carry on into young adult life.

There is a parallel story that follows the life of Emily's Great Grandmother Katherine. Here is a woman who gets caught up in the liberation of women at the turn of the 19th and 20th centuries.

The book provides an excellent contrast between the world's view of the human person and sexuality and the Church's perspective on the meaning of the human person and sexuality. This contrast is done by sharing what is a very real story for many young teenagers and subsequently young adults today versus what can be considered a real attitude among the adult population against Life. The latter is a very real possibility for the teenager if they do not learn the true meaning of love and life.

Without giving away anything, the book is, in my opinion, a very good read. It is very well written. Ellen Gable's writing style is easy to follow as she takes the time to develop the characters and their environments. One is not left with any threads of the story left unanswered.

Something that is important to our family is what we could call a kid rating. This book receives a 5 out of 5. I believe that every teenager should read it. The book should be read by the children's parents as well. Together, they can sit down and talk about the various chapters. The book can be used as an excellent teaching tool for introducing our children to the Church's beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

I also believe that our priests should read it. The book would provide some excellent and personal insight into the pains of living outside of the Culture of Life, and what the introduction and adoption of the Culture of Life can do for a person. There is plenty of homiletic material here for teaching the Theology of the Body.

And finally, couples considering marriage should read this book. I would even go so far as to say that this book should be mandatory for those preparing to marry within the Church. There could be some excellent teaching moments for the parish premarital preparation facilitators with their couples.

Pax vobis,

J.E.

You can find the book at Full Quiver Publishing.

Word from Adoration

Aridity seems to be the norm now. No consolation, distance, and silence. However, it is a good thing.

When one is challenged by another during a close relationship, does one abandon that relationship? Or, does one accept the challenge and work with it to produce a fruitful end?

There are many times in life where there is another with whom we are close where that other seems to drift away. There could have been struggles with the other, there could have been communication difficulties, there could have been times where one thing is heard and yet another meaning was meant by the other.

The most difficult thing to deal with is silence from the other. Perhaps they are working through something extremely difficult and one needs to wait patiently at their side until they are able to articulate what they are struggling with.

Perhaps they need their space, and one must step back and give them breathing room.

When these occasions come to pass in a close relationship, there can be great graces attached. With the silence or distance, one can ponder how much one values the other's presence in one's life. One can learn that one needs to be a lot more patient while waiting for the other to articulate what it was they were struggling with. One can make the time to sit and contemplate the other's important role in one's life.

And thus comes the gift, the good thing, in the midst of the aridity: One can contemplate His silence and His seeming distance by delving into one's experiences of Him at other times where there was no aridity. One can take the time to contemplate just how much He has influenced and impacted one's life. And most importantly, one can take the time to listen and see what it is within one's self that He may be drawing one's attention to. It may very well be that the time of silence and seeming distance is His way of helping one to purge that which interferes in the relationship with Him.

Jesus, help us to focus on You hanging on the Cross when we are in the midst of the deepest of desert times. Help us to persevere in our prayer time with You even though they are seemingly fruitless. Help us to remain always open to Your Word that comes to us through our Spiritual Director. Thank You Jesus for this arid time. Thank You for purging us of all that interferes in our relationship with You. Thank You Jesus for filling us with Your Most Precious Blood!

Pax vobis,

J.E.