True Freedom or Addiction?

What is the meaning of freedom?

Some will say that it means that they can indulge in whatever they want whenever they want to. Drugs, drinking, sex, partying, living life to the "fullest", and the list goes on. This is, to me, the essence of the "freedom" being preached in the various forms of media as well.

When I was out and about, sometimes living my life on the street in my late teens early twenties, I watched people around me destroy themselves doing some pretty crazy things. In a way, it was those "lessons" that taught me to stay away from things like hard drugs and some of the lifestyles those individuals were living. Believe me, my guardian angel still worked very hard at keeping me from death and destruction!

I am going to be over simplified here, but, what is the essence of addiction? To me, it is the inability to say, "NO!" To put it another way, it is the loss of control over one's life or some aspect of their life.

And that brings me back to those who claim they are living a life of total freedom. If one is totally free, then one should be able to say no to anything. I have heard it said that there is no reason to say no in the first place because what they would say no to is something they want. Oh really?

The first step in the Alcoholics Anonymous 12 Step program is to recognize that one is powerless over their addiction to whatever it is.

So here is the challenge to those who claim to be truly "free". When the next opportunity comes to drink, take drugs, have sex (matters not if the person is known), smoke, or pick a fight, or (name your poison), try and say no. Try and abstain.

Then, be honest with yourself and examine the thoughts and feelings that hit you when the decision to say no happened. They may surprise you. And, if you end up doing whatever it is anyway, I hope and pray that at some point step 1 will become a reality. Believe me, I have been there.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him forever in the next. Amen.
--Reinhold Niebuhr

Pax vobis,

J.E.

Alcoholics Anonymous web site.
The 12 Steps at Wikipedia.

Word from Adoration

Every Saturday morning I am scheduled in for an hour at our diocesan adoration chapel. My time is from 06:00 to 07:00.

This morning I was up early, so I headed out pretty much right away. I ended up spending an hour and forty minutes with the Lord today.

His word to me was, "I love you John. I love you so very much that I am here for you. I am always waiting for you."

It was important for me to hear Him say that because my time spent with Him was mostly filled with struggles and distractions. It seemed like for every moment I was able to focus on Him and make an effort to open myself, there were a hundred moments more where I was lost in some thought or distraction.

This struggle at times brings out the realization of just how hungry I am to have the Lord fill those places within me that do not belong to Him yet. I so very much want to be completely filled by Him, to be permeated by Him, to reach the point where, "...it is no longer I, but Christ who lives in me". (Galatians 2:20)

From a different perspective, I want to be consumed by the Living Flame of Love! (St. John of the Cross). St. John of the Cross is my favourite saint. And it is he, along with Saint John Marie Vianney - whose name I took when I became Catholic, and St. Therese of Lisieux that are role models for learning how to let go and be consumed!

St. John of the Cross, teach me to abandon myself to the Living Flame of Love. St. John Marie Vianney, teach me to embrace the person that I am and help me to learn to love myself. St. Therese, help me to learn to focus on the little things and help me to do them well for love of our Lord!

Our Lady, Queen of Good Counsel, teach me to share in the gift of discernment that you used when the Angel Gabriel appeared before you. Teach me also to abandon myself to the will of the Father just as you did when you said, "Yes!" to the request to conceive by the power of the Holy Spirit, Our Lord Jesus Christ.

Thank You Jesus for the gift of Your time this morning. Thank You for Your Presence in the Most Blessed Sacrament of the altar!

Pax vobis,

J.E.

An online Adoration "Chapel" can be found here.

Taking the Long Way Home

I was blessed to receive an offer from an acquaintance through our business to head out to an NHL game this evening. It was a pretty good game.

After the game I had a decision to make, do I cut through town which means heading into the heavy traffic or do I head in the opposite direction to avoid traffic?

I took the long way home, heading towards the outskirts of the city and then cutting across near the top to get home in what turned out to be a short period of time.

During that trip, I was given an inspiration to make a turn that took me further out than I was anticipating. As it turns out, the road that I was on when that inspiration hit was actually closed at the intersection with the road that cuts across the top of town.

The Lord works in mysterious and wondrous ways!

So too is it in my spiritual life. There are times where Jesus takes me on some sort of side trip where I don't have a clue as to why He is showing me what He is, and why He is taking me in the direction that He is. I find that at times it is a lesson in obedience. I listen and obey. Other times, there is a neat gift waiting for me near the end of that side trip.

Don't get me wrong, I do struggle and sometimes get very frustrated with Him! But, after some time listening to Him, and to those that love me and support me in my family, I tend to take a deep breath and let go. Most of the time! ;*)

Ultimately, I need to understand that Jesus has what is best for me in mind when He calls me to do something. And, with St. Faustina, I sometimes need to say repeatedly, "Jesus, I trust in You!"

Jesus, teach us to trust in You. Teach us to be grateful for whatever You give us, and whatever You allow to come our way. Help us to be patient. Help us to be supple to the working of Your Holy Spirit in us. Thank You Jesus for the gift of this life! Thank You for the little things You do for us, like that inspiration to turn! Thank You Jesus for the gift of You!

Pax vobis,

J.E.

Celibacy, Priesthood, and a Culture of Vocation

My recommendations to the Synod on how to deal with these 'shadows' presuppose the maintenance in the Latin Church of the ancient tradition and life-giving discipline of mandatory celibacy for the diocesan clergy as well as the religious orders. To loosen this tradition now would be a serious error, which would provoke confusion in the mission areas and would not strengthen spiritual vitality in the First World. It would be a departure from the practice of the Lord Himself, bring significant practical disadvantages to the work of the Church, e.g. financial, and weaken the sign value of the priesthood; it would weaken, too, the witness to loving sacrifice, and to the reality of the Last Things, and the rewards of Heaven. ... Cardinal George Pell: Fifteenth General Congregation*

To me, as a former seminarian, the charism of celibacy is a very important aspect of the diocesan and religious community priesthood. It is very important to give witness to a world that has lost perspective on the value of the human person of the love and sacrifice that is celibacy.

The priest receives an indelible mark on his soul when he receives Holy Orders. He is Jesus Christ, in persona Christi. It is Jesus who sits with me in the confessional and pours the healing salve of His Blood into the wounds created by my sin. It is Jesus who heals in the Anointing of the Sick. It is Jesus who acts to bring the whole congregation to the Father, and feed us with His Body and Blood during the celebration of the Eucharist. With the exception of marriage where the couples confer the Sacrament upon each other, it is Jesus Christ who acts in the Sacraments.

The priest holds the awesome power of heaven in his hands! He can bring Jesus Christ to us in the Eucharist at any time of the day or night. He holds the power of sharing the riches of our redemption in the Sacrament of Reconciliation.

I do not believe that a married clergy would solve the so called vocation "crisis" in the Church today. I do believe that there are three very important aspects to increasing vocations though.

One is in the bishops. And, I do believe that our local Archbishop has taken a step in the right direction by opening a diocesan Perpetual Adoration Chapel. That is one place that young men and women will be able to take the time to listen and subsequently "hear" the call to a vocation in the priesthood or religious life. There, they will form a deep and lasting relationship with the Lord. The Archbishop speaks regularly to the young about discernment and being open to a vocation. He is a very holy man and we are blessed by his presence in our Archdiocese.

The second is in the priests themselves. I have been blessed to have met some very happy and holy priests. And therein lies a key witness to the gift of priesthood. Men who live their vocation deeply in love with Jesus Christ, who love to give witness to the Gospel, and who love sharing the Sacraments with all of us. A powerful and positive witness to just how great the life of the priest and religious can go a long way to inspiring the young to consider that vocation.

And the third and last element is here at home. We the laity are very much responsible for the dearth in vocations too. Again our archbishop has encouraged us to give witness to our children, to, "live our faith deeply and longingly for the Lord". We must live a culture of vocation in our homes. Do we talk to our children about priestly and religious life as a viable option? Or do we avoid it at all costs? Do we demonstrate to our children by our words and actions the sacredness of the priesthood? Do we encourage our parish priest to feel welcome and visit with us? We must bring our children before the Lord and encourage them to listen to Him. Through Mass and especially in Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament, the Scriptures, writings of the Saints, and our relationship with the Lord our children will learn to hear His voice.

One of the fruits that I have seen as a result of my stay in the seminary is that quality of the men discerning their vocation. These are men considering the life as a diocesan priest. Men who have lived their lives chastely and understand the charism of celibacy and the gift that it is for the Church. They are men formed by the theology of Pope John Paul II. They are the men who will go on to inspire many other young men to really give the vocation of priesthood a serious thought. I believe it is because they have begun to truly understand the indelible mark they will receive in Holy Orders and that they also have begun to understand the meaning of in persona Christi. They understand that it is Jesus Christ who works in them!

Pax vobis,

J.E.

*Cardinal George Pell Quote here. Fifth paragraph.

Fatherhood, Pregnancy, and Sacramental Graces

Right from the time we knew we were pregnant with Anne-Marie we started praying over her together on a regular basis. We prayed for all of the obvious things like her health and a safe birth. We also prayed that her life be deeply rooted in the Lord.

We also prayed for a nickname for our first little one while in the womb. We came up with Little Pea because she was like a pea in a pod being nurtured and kept safe by Lucille.

I was hit with this deep urge to lay my hands on Lucille's tummy and pray over our little one in the womb daily. Somehow I realized that this was very important for me to do as a father: to pray for the health and growth of my child and most especially place a father's spiritual protection around the child and mother.

It was also important for me to welcome our little addition to the family. It wasn't hard, I was grinning from ear to ear when we saw the confirmation of what we already knew: the test showed positive. Some of the first words out of my mouth were, "Welcome to the family!"

So too it is with our newest edition to the family. We have nicknamed this little one Pitou (Little Person - pronounced peetoo) or I sometimes juxtapose the name and say Toupie (top - pronounced toopee).

We pray over our newest little one often and we talk to them a lot. I try and make a point to affirm Pitou with love and welcome as often as possible. Given my own womb experience this is especially important to me. We are also making a point to introduce Pitou to Anne-Marie. She has begun to figure out what we are saying! It is pretty cool, and we are hoping that this early introduction will prepare her for the time when her little brother, sister, or the twins (runs in Lucille's family and we are hoping!) come home.

We believe in the sacredness of the person from conception to natural death. We also believe, and have first hand experience, of our ability to be not only physically present to our child in the womb, but spiritually present to them as well. The child in the womb too, as we have experienced, also makes themselves physically and spiritually present to us. Especially later on in the pregnancy.

The communion of persons living the Sacramental reality of marriage is a very deep and mysterious thing. Much like the communion of saints there are some pretty neat ways that we can be available to one another in the Sacrament. In discovering these ways, we sometimes experience the spiritual and mystical elements of the Sacrament's graces. This root goes down into the deepest aspects of who we are (Theology of the Body, Pope John Paul II).

The Holy Spirit is Who ties us together in the Sacrament, and as in all Sacraments, we, the married couple are the visible sign of an invisible grace given. Our children are the fruit of that grace and of our love. We make sure to affirm them with that knowledge as often as we can!

Please pray for the successful delivery and the health of Pitou, our newest member of the family.

Pax vobis,

J.E.

My reflections on the first pregnancy can be found here.

My reflections on the Lord's healing of my own experiences within the womb is here.

Happy and Blessed Thanksgiving!

Yes, for us Canucks, it is Thanksgiving today!

Father, we thank You and praise you for the gift of Your wondrous creation! We thank You most especially for giving us the gift of Your Son, Jesus Christ. Thank You Father for willingly giving Him to us with the full knowledge that He would be crucified by us.

Thank You Jesus for redeeming us! Thank You for the generous gift of suffering and then dying for us. Thank You for showing us the way, the truth, and the life. Thank You Jesus for the gift of the Sacraments that deepen our relationship in You.

Thank You Holy Spirit for dwelling in us. Thank You for inspiring us to open ourselves fully to a deep, loving, and meaningful relationship with the Father and Jesus. Thank You for bringing us closer to the Father and Jesus through the gift of Your action in the Sacraments, Scripture, and the Church.

Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit, thank You for the gift of love that we share in You. Thank You for the gift of our marriage and the fruit of love in our marriage: our children. Thank You for the roof over our heads, for the cars that get us to and from the places we need to go, for the food that we eat and the clean water we drink. Thank You for the warm clothing we wear.

We praise You Most Holy God for the many blessings You bestow upon us in this life. Thank You for calling us to walk in the footsteps of Jesus. Thank You for the daily Crosses we bear and the sharing we have in the suffering of Jesus. Thank You for all of life's events and the people that You place on our path, the good and the bad.

We give glory to You Most Holy God by our lives.

The Everetts

Lucille - Romance - The Date

Yes, we women do like to be "wooed" don't we. Before John and I got married it was easy, we could go out whenever we wanted and where we wanted, we were free! It was not very difficult for John to 'woo' me. Once we got married it was still pretty easy to go on a date. As time went by as a married couple, we had our first child and now another child on the way so the arrangements to actually go on a date turn into a totally different scenario that takes a little extra effort to get a babysitter, pump some milk if I am breast feeding etc...
It is so very important to go out as a married at least once a month and to make it an outing priority #1 in front of going out with friends or family even if it just for an hour walk or a two hour movie. At times when things get busy with work, it is amazing how just a walk for a half hour or more rejuvenated my relationship with John. With kids around, I think it is really easy not to make the effort to go out alone as a couple.
I think part of that comes from feeling very secure in your married relationship which is not a bad thing of course but I feel it can be a bad thing if the relationship is not being properly nurtured. Sometimes we may not realize the effects lack of nurturance can have on the relationship. Slowly, we pull away from each other, the affection dwindles, communication breaks down. We just don't have fun together. The relationship becomes stagnant, motionless and doesn't grow. I think that this is an area where a women is more sensitive in detecting the stagnancy of the relationship but of course not always.
For me (and I think a lot of women are the same), I need to feel close to my husband on all aspects of my being, the emotional, spiritual, and physical. The first two are what nurtures the physical. I need to have time to only focus on him without the distraction of our sweet child. I can compare this to having an hour each week in front of the Blessed Sacrament. I also need time alone with Jesus and feel close to Him and that is number 1 next to my husband.
I can still remember a priest from our parish telling us when we were engaged to always keep that spirit of courtship that we possessed as engaged couple alive and to carry it into our marriage. I understand his statement so much better now. When we were engaged I felt like we would always remember this feeling and love we had but I know now it takes a lot of work to keep it going further and deeper into the marriage.
Our date was great as always. We talked, laughed, and held each during a very good but intense movie. I am looking forward to our next date.

Lucille

Here is John's point of view.

Sleepless

Ever have a night where you wake up and your mind just won't stop throwing things at you?
Ever have a night where you wake up and not only your mind is throwing things at you but your body and spirit is too?
These especially when what woke you was some powerful dream?

Tonight is one of those for me. After spending some time praying to gain control, I got hit with a series of memories from my pre-teen and early teen years.

I used to get night terrors from about 10 years until I was about 14. These terrors did not stop when I woke, but continued into my waking world with a terrible presence in my room and an inability to breath. I was told by my mother to pray, but I didn't really know what that meant at the time.

Because of the terrors, I learned to shut down any and all access to dreams. I did not dream at all after that.

About a year after my conversion in 1989, my first spiritual director Father John and I spent some time on this. He prayed over and blessed me for the healing of my mind, body, and spirit so that I would learn to be open to dreaming again. We spent a lot of time on two points in Scripture: Matthew 1:20 where it came to Joseph in a dream that he was not to dismiss Mary, but to take her as his wife; and Matthew 2:13 where again in a dream Joseph was called to take Mary and Jesus into Egypt in order to keep them safe from harm.

I learned to trust that Jesus would protect me as I opened up again and I eventually began to have dreams again. Most were good, a few spoke to me about current circumstances, some made absolutely no sense at all, and some where disturbing. Whatever the dream, I always brought them to prayer and spiritual direction.

Today, it is rare that I remember my dreams. When I do, I will sometimes write it down if it was still clear enough (I started journaling just after my conversion). I would then spend time in prayer asking Jesus if the dream had any significance or not, discern it with Lucille, and bring it up with my spiritual director. If the dream was not clear, I would generally let it go.

It was in a dream several years before I met Lucille, that I saw the silhouette of a lady in a second floor window holding a white fluffy cat. I could tell by the silhouette that the lady had long hair and that she somehow carried a weight of significance for my life, but that was about it. It turned out that Lucille had a white fluffy Persian cat that she was very fond of around the same time that I had that dream! Lucille also has beautiful long and dark hair! The Lord works in mysterious ways eh?

I also know, that in those times where I catch some form of glimpse into my dream world, that I usually have had an excellent sleep that night! Tonight, and nights like this are the exception to the norm.

Lord Jesus, we pray for those who suffer from some form of insomnia. Bless them with sleep, bless them with a deep resting place in their dreams. Lord Jesus, please deliver those who suffer night terrors! Bless them with Your peace and send your Archangel St. Michael to protect and guard them from all harm. Thank You Jesus for hearing our prayer.

Pax vobis,

J.E.

John - Romance - The Date

As a husband, it is of particular importance to keep the romance in our marriage alive. I must admit that I have not always been able to do that. There is, in my experience, some startling differences between the male and female psyches, and, this is definitely one area!

Lucille sometimes needs to remind me that she needs to be romanced. She needs to feel that I still have a romantic love for her. She needs to have us spend exclusive time getting reconnected to each other. She needs to receive the gift of me and my time freely and out of love for her.

I, on the other hand, tend to place the romantic aspect of our relationship much further down on the list of priorities. So, indeed I need to be reminded of her needs.

This is especially true when we had our first child. We did not get any exclusive time together for a long time after Anne-Marie was born! When we both realized this and Anne-Marie was old enough, we made arrangements for someone we trust to sit with her.

We went out for dinner and had an awesome time. We made a rule that we would not talk about Anne-Marie and about parenting if we could help it. We managed somewhat to do that, but eventually we didn't get too far on that one at first! ;)

The beauty of that date time though, was being able to look into her eyes, to hold her hands across the dinner table, and to just be in her presence. We then made a commitment to try and get out on a date at least once a month. We haven't been able to make that happen as often as we had hoped, but when we do get out we have a really good time.

My dad is coming over to sit Anne-Marie this afternoon and this evening. So, we are off. I booked us into this amazing Thai restaurant for supper, and then I am going to take her for a Bubble Tea and a movie. She was very pleased when I let her know that I had made the reservations! Sometimes I won't tell her anything about the date at all as Lucille has this amazing curiosity bug that gets really cute when I drop a hint about a surprise but won't say anything more!

So, to you husbands, and soon to be husbands my advice is this: Pray to the Holy Spirit to attune your spirit to the romantic needs of your wife. Pray that the Holy Spirit truly trains you in the art of woo till you both sing together:

My love is a sachet of myrrh
lying between my breasts.
My love is a cluster of henna flowers
among the vines of En-Gedi.

-How beautiful you are, my beloved,
how beautiful you are!
Your eyes are doves.

-How beautiful you are, my love,
and how you delight me! (Song of Songs 1:13-16)

Indeed, God is good!

Pax vobis,

J.E.

Here is Lucille's point of view.

Fortunate

I've always considered myself very fortunate when everything is going well in my pregnancy including my first with our daughter. I've had the normal effects of what pregnancy can physically do to a women's body which can be hard enough to deal with at times. Nonetheless, I do consider some or most of these effects such as morning sickness, fatigue, heartburn etc... a blessing in a way because I know my baby is okay and thriving.
I write about how fortunate I am because I sometimes hear or read of women with pregnancy complications such as a lady I met through my prenatal swimming class. By the way they call the class "Aquabellies" which I found rather cute. This young lady was talking about how she couldn't keep any food down in her first trimester and ended up being in the hospital. Then other complications arose lately now that she is 37 weeks. She wanted to go to a certain hospital for the birth but was told to go to a specific hospital that deals with high risk pregnancies. I just pray that everything turns out okay for her and baby.
You never know what can happen when giving birth even though you pray for the best. You never know if your baby will be premature or be totally healthy. John and I know by experience because I needed to stay in the hospital for 5 days with our first child because our daughter was diagnosed with aspiration pneumonia. I can't imagine what it would be like for those who need to stay in the hospital with their little one or ones a lot longer or worse case scenario, leaving the hospital without their baby or babies in their arms at all. Luckily, we had no serious complications after we left the hospital. Thanks be to God.

Lucille

House of D - Movie Review

We watched a new release DVD called, "House of D" directed by, and starring David Duchovny of X-Files fame.

What a neat movie!

Duchovny plays Tom Warshaw as an adult, and Anton Yelchin plays Tommy Warshaw as a young kid turning 13 in 1970's New York, New York.

When the movie starts, Tom has a son who will be turning 13. To Tom, that is the age where one goes through a rite of passage. So, he sits down with his wife, to share with her what happened to him when he turned 13.

From there we are introduced to Tommy (Tom's younger self), and his best friend Papass (Robin Williams) who is slightly mentally challenged. We share in some of their adventures as well as some of their struggles. Many laughs and some tears too.

We also share in the many good and bad things that happen to and around Tommy.

Without giving away anything, the movie is, in my opinion, very well acted and directed. The cinematography is very well done, with each shot capturing the mood and beauty of the moment.

The story is excellent. There are many of us who can relate to the younger Tommy as well as how he deals with events as they unfold. There may be even more of us who are in the position of the adult Tom that need to reflect on how we have or have not dealt with our past. The story holds its focus very well, keeping us very much involved in the young Tommy's world. I found it very easy to be immersed into the story as it is very believable.

Something that is important to our family is what we could call a kid rating. This film easily receives a 4 out of 5. I agree with the PG-13 for the film, and that parents should check it out before inviting their kids to see it. I would not have a problem with early teenagers watching it.

The movie provides many themes and scenes that provide an invitation for conversation with our children.

Pax vobis,

J.E.

You can find the movie at Amazon:

House of D - US

House of D - Canada

Thanks for supporting us!

Millstone

"But anyone who is the downfall of one of these little ones who have faith, would be better thrown into the sea with a great millstone hung around his neck." Mark 9:42

Everything we think, say, and do has consequences.

Jesus here reminds us that He is very protective of His little ones.

We are His little ones!

And thus, we must take care of each other! We must also protect each other!

Pax vobis,

J.E.

Walking on Water

I have an old black and white picture of Peter half sunk in the raging water with Jesus standing on the water reaching down to him with a look of compassion on His face. In the background the huge waves are breaking against the boat.

I must admit, I am feeling like Peter right about now.

It takes a great act of faith to believe that Jesus will indeed be reaching down to me when the storm rages within.

Sometimes I am too focused on the storm and its effects to even take notice of His hand that is right beside my face.

Trust, man what a difficult thing at times!

Pax vobis,

J.E.

Stillness

"Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10

He is there waiting for us.

Pax vobis,

J.E.

Vulnerability Continued...

The gift of self, to me, has essentially three parts: The spiritual gift (which can only be given and received in the state of grace), the mental/emotional gift, and the physical gift. I find, that as a society here in the West, we tend to focus in on the physical (with even more focus on the genital) with some attention to the mental/emotional. Hardly do we find any commentary on the spiritual connection between the spouses, or attention on the fact that we gift ourselves to the other in Marriage and that the gift is forever!

In order to give the complete self to another one must make an act of trust. To one who has been abused on all levels of being as I have, means that act of trust has even more weight. To me, that is in essence what true vulnerability is: to give the complete self to my spouse and trust completely that she will not crap, stamp, crush, tear apart, etc. that gift.

And that, my friends, is where Lucille excels! It takes a tender and gentle heart to sense and realize how to earn the trust of one with a history such as I. The honesty and mutual vulnerability that I see in Lucille, as well as that very special look she gives me every once in a while are all very important to me. But most especially, it is the way that she has treated me right from the start: with mutual respect and dignity. She has fostered the love that began to grow between us with such grace. I realized fairly early in our relationship that she was indeed a daughter of the Father! What a special grace! :*D

Truly I am blessed to have Lucille as my wife. And, truly I have been blessed by the Lord to have received the healing and strength from Him to be the person I needed to be when Lucille and I first met.

She was and is worth all of the struggles and pain in the healing process. She is indeed my best friend for the way she treats me is like no other human alive or dead has ever treated me!

Lucille, thank you and I love you! ;)

Pax vobis,

John Everett.

Vulnerability

Given the nature of my background it is very tough for me to be vulnerable. By that I mean, opening myself up to allow someone in, and to give myself completely to another.

And yet, my marriage depends on it.

I have made a commitment to Lucille. Part of that commitment is to give myself as a gift (I am slowly learning to see myself as one) and the other part is to receive the gift of her.

If I refuse to be vulnerable, our relationship will die. I will have essentially refused to give of myself to her, and refused to receive the gift of her.

The Lord works in mysterious ways, as He has put Lucille into my life and she understands this aspect of commitment. And a neat thing about that is, she understands my struggles with vulnerability and is very patient with me. She is always prayerfully supporting me as I struggle to learn.

Being vulnerable to me is an important part of the Sacrament of Marriage (CCC 1616, 1617). It is the opening of one's self completely to our spouse just as Christ did on the Cross. And therein lies one of the sources of Sacramental Grace.

Pax vobis,

J.E.

St. Therese of Lisieux

Today we celebrate St. Therese who John Paul II proclaimed a doctor of the Church on World Mission Sunday, October 19, 1997.

In her writings we find the ultimate in simple faith. Her autobiography, Story of a Soul has sold millions of copies in many different languages.

During her life as a nun she suffered greatly due to illness. She did not however, mention to anyone that she was suffering. When her illness became known, she continued to suffer patiently out of love for God. Her illness worsened until her death on September 30, 1897 at the young age of 24.

"...thus began, as was her desire, a new phase of apostolic presence on behalf of souls in the Communion of Saints, in order to shower a rain of roses upon the world." The Life of Saint Therese, Vatican News Services.

It is said that those who have a particular devotion to St. Therese will receive a bouquet of roses in response to asking St. Therese for a favour or intention. I must admit that it has happened to me on several occasions when I have turned to her for help or support. Here follows is the first time that I received a bouquet from her. This was also the first time, through a brother seminarian, that I came to really know St. Therese.

On this very day (October 1), during one of my two years in the seminary (mid 1990's), a brother seminarian and I were discussing St. Therese and her life. He had a particularly strong devotion to St. Therese as he shared in her charism of mystical simplicity and humility. We spent the afternoon sharing our experiences with our favourite saints, him St. Therese who is a Carmelite, and I St. John of the Cross who is also a Carmelite. It was a blessed time.

At the end of the afternoon, we went down to pray the Divine Office with the rest of the community. After Evening Prayer we went to the dining room for supper.

During the meal, my brother and I sat together to continue our conversations. Sometime during the meal, the entire dining room (it was quite large) filled with the scent of roses! The scent was very strong, as though someone had placed a bouquet directly under everyone's nose. Our brother seminarians stopped their eating and looked around to see where the scent was coming from. After a few moments everyone pretty much got back to their meals. My brother seminarian and I had already figured out where the scent had came from, it was a gift to all us from St. Therese on her feast day!

Later on, he and I offered a prayer of thanksgiving to God and St. Therese for that gift of love and affirmation. For me, it reinforced in me the need to learn more about the life of St. Therese and her particular way of living the Journey with the Lord.

Her Way became very important to me about four years back. I was in two consecutive car accidents about six months apart. In one I was rear-ended and the other one I was broadsided by someone on a cell-phone who ran a red. Both accidents left me racked and in extreme pain. I was just starting to heal from the first when the second happened.

Here I came face to face with living in extreme pain 24/7. This pain was extreme during the extensive massage sessions and physiotherapy sessions. The massage went on for over 18 months total and the physiotherapy went on for 6 weeks straight about half way through that 18 month period.

I had two options: get bitter and cranky and share that with those around me, or decide to share that suffering with Jesus at the Cross and making the suffering redemptive. This is where St. Therese came in. She was with me through the whole ordeal, encouraging me and supporting me during the most painful of times.

St. Therese helped me stay focused on Jesus hanging on the Cross, and she coached me on how to offer my suffering for specific needs and intentions of those around me and sometimes names of strangers that she shared with me. Ultimately, she showed me how she was very thankful for the suffering in her life. It was her offering of love to Him and it was an offering of love for her sisters in the convent as well as the many other intentions the Lord brought to her.

Indeed, I did learn that lesson. Before entering the doctor's office for my hour of very painful massage therapy, I would offer a prayer to Jesus giving Him what I was about to go through. During the tough times I would turn to a crucifix and offer that suffering and pray for support to make it through the pain.

I was blessed to essentially stay bitter free! :*) It took time to heal, and also to forgive the drivers in both incidents, but I managed with the grace of God to do so. It took time to let go of the anger and rage that at times brewed within me too. It took a constant vigilance to keep myself focused on Jesus.

Thanks be to God for those experiences. Thanks be to God for the gift of St. Therese who was there to teach me about how to suffer for the glory of God. Thanks Jesus for gifting me with such a small share in your Passion!

Pax vobis,

J.E.

The Vatican's press release on the life of St. Therese can be found here.
An excellent article by Fr. John Hardon on the life of St. Therese can be found here.

Prayer to St. Michael the Archangel - Full Version

Here is the full version of the St. Michael prayer as received by Pope Leo XIII.

O glorious Prince of the heavenly host, Saint Michael the Archangel, defend us in the battle and in the fearful warfare that we are waging against the principalities and powers, against the rulers of this world of darkness, against the evil spirits. Come you to the assistance of men, whom Almighty God created immortal, making them in His own image and likeness and redeeming them at a great price from the tyranny of Satan. Fight this day the battle of the Lord with your legions of holy Angels, even as of old you did fight against Lucifer, the leader of the proud spirits and all his rebel angels, who were powerless to stand against you, neither was their place found any more in heaven. And that apostate angel, transformed into an angel of darkness who still creeps about the earth to encompass our ruin, was cast headlong into the abyss together with his followers. But behold, that first enemy of mankind, and a murderer from the beginning, has regained his confidence. Changing himself into an angel of light, he goes about with the whole multitude of the wicked spirits to invade the earth and blot out the Name of God and of His Christ, to plunder, to slay and to consign to eternal damnation the souls that have been destined for a crown of everlasting life. This wicked serpent, like an unclean torrent, pours into men of depraved minds and corrupt hearts the poison of his malice, the spirit of lying, impiety and blasphemy, and the deadly breath of impurity and every form of vice and iniquity. These crafty enemies of mankind have filled to overflowing with gall and wormwood the Church, which is the Bride of the Lamb without spot; they have laid profane hands upon her most sacred treasures. Make haste, therefore, O invincible Prince, to help the people of God against the inroads of the lost spirits and grant us the victory. Amen.

Pope Leo reportedly received this prayer during a vision he received just after celebrating Mass on October 13, 1884. In it the devil had requested the time and power to destroy the Church. The time given by Jesus to him was approximately 75 to 100 years and he was given free reign over those who chose to follow him. We do not know when that time began or if it has ended.

We are always to test the spirits as St. John calls us to in his letter. 1 John 4:1-6.

In my experience it is by spending time with Jesus in the Most Blessed Sacrament that we begin to become sensitive to the spiritual warfare going on around us as well as within us. He will teach us how to be good soldiers in this spiritual war. He will give us the weapons and defences we need.

Remember, the greatest gift we have been given, one of the ones Satan really hates, is the fact that we can fall, and then through an act of contrition and the Sacrament of Reconciliation be back in the good graces of God! Praise be Jesus Christ for this wonderful gift!

Pax vobis,

J.E.

Pregnancy announcement

Hey there, here I am finally writing a blog for the first time in my life. I thought I would start with some great news. My husband John and I are expecting baby #2 next year! We are both very excited and looking forward to seeing our new addition and we have officially spread the news to most close family and friends. We also heard the baby's heartbeat the other day! Took a while for the doctor to detect it but finally found the heart beating at 156 beats per minute. I wish we had our own doppler device so we can listen to the hearbeat whenever we want. :) It is so amazing.
My brother and sister-in-law are also expecting a baby around the time as us but for them it will be through adopting a baby girl from China. They have a very slim chance of conceiving since my sister-in-law has severe endometriosis. They are very excited to adopt this baby and the family is very happy and supportive as well so it is all pretty neat.
God bless!
Lucille.

The Mysteries of Light

Some words that came to me while praying the Rosary this evening.

Jesus is baptized in the Jordan (Matthew 3:17)
"My Son, I am so proud of You!" God the Father

The wedding at Cana (John 2:1-12)
"Do as He tells you". Mary, Jesus' mother.

The proclamation of the Kingdom of God and the call to conversion.
"I am so proud of what my Father is doing! Let me show you!" Jesus Christ

Jesus is Transfigured (Luke 9:29)
"My Son, I am with you now, here is something to help You when times get tough". God the Father.

Jesus institutes the Eucharist (John 13:1)
"I love you my brothers and sisters. I want to be with you and to help you. Here, feed on me. Let me be your source of life." Jesus Christ

Pax vobis,

J.E.